


15 Minutes of Fame - A Tale of Post-Live Show Woes

by McGillivray



Series: 15 Minutes of Fame [1]
Category: Given (Anime)
Genre: Akihiko/Haruki if you squint, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Uenoyama is very jealous, but he does have a good reason though, yeah I can't believe it's still a thing it's 2020 ffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26688643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McGillivray/pseuds/McGillivray
Summary: “All the girls have been wondering what’s up too”.“They’ve been wondering?”“Yup. I mean, Sato-kun is pretty hot, y’know? He has a lot of secret fans.” (Given anime, Ep.2)Trying to survive their 15 minutes of fame, Uenoyama hadn't even remembered Kasai-san's words until it became painfully clear how right she had been.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Series: 15 Minutes of Fame [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079177
Comments: 72
Kudos: 297





	1. MafuFever

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> So, this is what happened.
> 
> Mid-August, while looking for some Azuki-chan clips on Youtube, one of the suggestions was this clip of an anime with guys in a band. I clicked out of curiosity. It was a clip of Fuyu no Hanashi and The Kiss.  
> That night, when finally alone and free to binge in peace, I...well, binged in peace. Watched the 11 episodes in one go, almost not believing how mind-blowing, heart-breaking, and every other double-barrelled adjective the story was.  
> So after I binged the anime and dried my tears, I went on and binged the manga.  
> After that, I went to twitter and binged Natsuki Kizu’s news and tweets. Discovered there was a movie coming soon.  
> And then, after all that, because obviously it wasn’t enough, I came here and read EVERY Given fanfic written. ALL OF THEM. Not enough apparently, I wanted more. 
> 
> So I started having all these behind-the-scenes scenes in my head, and after years of not having time to write much of anything, let alone fanfiction, I found myself at 2am one night typing a few ideas. Then a few more. Then I totally lost control of it and what started like a light-hearted, not too serious 3K maybe, turned into the 10K+ babbling that I’m about to start posting.
> 
> Fair warnings though! :)  
> Warning #1 – These pieces are totally self-indulgent and mostly written as a way to let this new obsession of mine out. I’m super embarrassed to post them, as the quality-check is dubious at best... I’ve decided to share them anyway, in case there are other fans out there who can’t get enough of them either, regardless the content. :) 
> 
> Warning #2 - This hasn’t been betaed at all, so all mistakes and inaccuracies are mine and I fully own them. I also have a tendency to edit well after I post, in case you somehow read a chapter some time later and spot some differences. 
> 
> Warning #3 – My grammar..😶 It’s usually ok, but apologies in advance for oddities and weird turns of phrase - I’m trilingual, which is useful sometimes, but a nightmare when putting things in writing. Sometimes I think something sounds fine…and it does, just not in the language I’m actually using in that moment…Anyway, like I said, hopefully it won’t be too bad. 
> 
> Oh, and to all of you authors out there, you are AWESOME and I hope I can continue having conversations about every single detail in the Given universe. I literally have no one to talk to about anime in general and Given in particular, so the chats are super SUPER appreciated.🧡
> 
> Cheers! 🥂🎼🎸🎤🧡🧡🧡
> 
> PS. Title might change. Not quite happy with it, but who knows. This story is beyond my control now.

Uenoyama knew he should be focusing on the match. He wasn't. Instead, he kept being distracted by Mafuyu. His boyfriend was there, in their usual spot, sitting on the floor and waiting for his turn to play.

He wasn’t alone, though.

Three giggling girls were surrounding him, laughing and trying to engage him in conversation. While not overly invested, Mafuyu seemed to be replying at times instead of blanking them.

_'All the girls have been wondering what’s up too.' '_

_'They’ve been wondering?'_

_'Yup. I mean, Sato-kun is pretty hot, y’know? He has a lot of secret fans. But he seems so unapproachable.'_

Kasai-san’s words had popped back in his mind recently, when it had become clear to him how right she had been.

At the time, those words had meant nothing to him. But then again everything had been so different then. Including himself.

For starters, Mafuyu and he had been little more than strangers then, united only by the strange boy’s almost wild enthusiasm for learning to play the expensive guitar he carried around with him. It had been that very enthusiasm that had ignited Uenoyama’s spark for…well, a lot of things. So, at that time, whether Mafuyu was hot or not had never crossed his mind, and he was sure it never was going to.

Yeah. Things were quite different now.

They were far from strangers anymore, while still having lots to discover about each other. They had bonded over music and painful baggage and faith in each other. They now played together and wrote together and were in the band together. They had seen each other at their best, but also at their worst, or at least their ‘pretty bad’.

Also, they were dating.

The last one was a fact that Uenoyama was still coming to terms with. Despite his friends teasing about how he was now even more popular than he already was, with many new band fans giggling and stalking him at school, he had never been seriously interested in any of them before. His feelings for Mafuyu came out of nowhere, sweeping him off his feet with a strength that had shaken him to his core. And that all those feelings he had were for a boy…well, he definitely hadn’t seen that coming. He was not good at expressing his feelings with words, and even if he could, he wasn’t sure how he could ever thank Kaji-san for not only realising what was happening to him before he did, but for giving him perspective. He had fallen in love, and he had fallen hard. And yes, Mafuyu was a boy, but he honestly couldn’t see himself falling for anyone else.

It wasn’t an easy love. Mafuyu had issues with his past, a heavy baggage that he seemed to have just started healing from. Uenoyama wanted to think that he had helped start that process, in a way, the moment he took Mafuyu to the studio and let him watch them play. But there was still a lot to deal with, including Uenoyama’s ugly feelings whenever he saw his boyfriend lost in space, or preferring to stay home alone than hanging out with him, or turning around to stare at some random blonde guy with a guitar walking in the street. He was trying, though, and they were getting better. Kaji-san had told him to focus on the good things to avoid poisoning their relationship. This boyfriend Mafuyu had was still there in many ways, shapes and forms. But Uenoyama tried to remind himself now and then that he actually _wasn’t_. Not really, and he was never going to be. He was the one there for Mafuyu now, so he was going to do just that and trust what they had was good.

But his relationship with Mafuyu hadn’t been the only thing that had changed after their live show, apparently.

Because ever since their live concert, Mafuyu’s popularity had been _soaring_. It was ridiculous.

That was probably the reason why Kasai-san’s words had come back to his mind. Mafuyu had always been regarded as super hot, apparently. Only his aloofness and odd manner had kept the fans from attempting any more direct contact. But after their first live show, which had been seen by most of the students, live and online, a MafuFever had taken over.

Uenoyama himself had also been the target of sighs and awkward introductions from girls in his year, younger years and even older year. Sometimes they approached him with confidence, and he tried to be polite about rejecting their advances. Other times they had trapped him during cleaning duties, class duties, toilet trips. Many times he had needed to leave the classroom to avoid the dreamy stares and the giggling. He didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but what could he do. His own were very certainly taken.

But still it was Sato Mafuyu who was at the centre of most conversations in the corridors. Perhaps because no one could have possibly seen that coming – that shy, quiet, oddball Sato-kun had such raw passion and mind-blowing talent tucked inside him.

Beside the teasing from both friends and band members, they hadn’t really taken this new celebrity status too seriously, Mafuyu himself not even noticing anything out of ordinary during the first weeks.

But things had been…escalating.

First, it had been Kimi-san, from his class. He had cornered him one afternoon, when he had gone to the canteen to pick up their lunches.

‘Uenoyama-kun, can I ask you something?’

‘Sure’.

‘Your friend, Sato-kun…is he dating someone?’

He had not seen that coming. So he had panicked. What could he say?

‘Uh…I don’t think so, no. I mean, I don’t know?’

Kimi-san had giggled. ‘How can you not know! You’re best friends. Has he never mentioned someone he likes?’

Uenoyama had started to sweat, mumbling that sorry no, he didn’t know, and at that point it had been his turn in the queue and that had been the end of the conversation.

Or so he had thought.

A few days later, Kimi-san had approached him again. With her, there was a giggly friend he didn’t recognised.

‘Uenoyama-kun! There you are. Could you please give this to Sato-kun?’ they asked without waiting for a response. ‘Thank you Uenoyama-kun!’ and they had left him there, with two pink envelopes on his desk and strong perfume scent in the air.

Later that day, while they were hanging out after school before practice, he had put the letters in front of Mafuyu.

‘For you,’ he had only said, which left a confused Mafuyu looking back and forth between the letters and him, several times.

‘These are love letters,’ Mafuyu had announced the obvious after opening them and scanning their contents. ‘It says that I’m very handsome and my voice shook them to their core and made them feel things they had never felt before. They also want to know me better.’

‘I don’t think that’s all they want,’ he had muttered, grumpily. Mafuyu had smiled, moved closer to him, and squeezed his face between his hands.

‘Uenoyama-kun, are you jealous?’

Uenoyama had gone very red and very hot in the face, and mumbled something that sounded like ' _nonsense_ '. And Mafuyu had laughed, pecked him on the lips once, twice, and then laughed a bit more when Uenoyama had gone even redder.

Saying he did not like this new mischievous side of his usually quiet, mellow boyfriend would be a lie, though.

But the thing was that Kimi-san’s letters had only been the beginning.

Later that same week, Uenoyama’s class had been sorted into groups for a science project. Itaya and himself had been paired up with two other girls, Kaori-san and Hana-san. It all had started ok, until it became obvious that Hana-san had waited for Itaya and Kaori to disappear after the end of the lesson.

‘Uenoyama-kun, can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’ Stupidly, he still had thought it was going to be related to their project.

‘Could you please give me Sato-kun’s phone number?’

‘Huh…what?’

‘I’m asking for a friend…I would ask him myself, but I don’t really know him that much and I thought it would just be easier to ask you. You’re good friends after all.’

Uenoyama had been awfully close to inform her of just how good a friend he was to Mafuyu, but of course that couldn’t happen. He might not care a jot about others’ judgement, but he cared a lot about the band and about honouring his promises.

‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea…it’s his number after all. You should ask him. I’m sorry.’

Hana-san had seemed annoyed and didn’t speak to him for a while after that, which made that particular project a bit more uncomfortable that it should have been. How could they think he would give Mafuyu’s number out just like that?

Two days later, during a lunchtime practice session, Mafuyu had told him, confused, how this girl from Uenoyama’s class had come to him and told him that _Uenoyama_ had told her to ask him for his number. Uenoyama, after some cursing, had explained the situation and apologised for not knowing what to say. Mafuyu hadn’t been mad at him at all of course. Unlike Hana-san apparently, who had called him conceited and rude after he had deadpanned that he didn’t really give his number to random people who asked. Uenoyama had barjed laughing at that. Mafuyu could be a savage when he was not being stupidly sweet.

Which he had been, right then and there. So much that, forgetting how shy he still was about showing any type of affection, he had been the one pulling Mafuyu close to kiss the cute, annoyed pout away from his lips.

As the situation had continued for weeks, Uenoyama was wondering whether he had made a mistake telling Kimi-san that Mafuyu wasn’t dating anyone as far as he knew. Perhaps they would leave him alone if they thought he was taken?

In any case, there he was, trying to play basket but being distracted now and then, stealing glances at Mafuyu interacting with his fan club. There was certain jealousy, Mafuyu had been right about it. Not because he thought he was suddenly going to be into girls and leave him for one of them -he wouldn't...would he?- but because this strong, irrational impulse to show the world that Mafuyu was very much taken. That Mafuyu had taken him all the way to a special place like Minato Mirai to confess his feelings for him. That that amazing boy somehow wanted him.

As if sensing his internal struggle, Mafuyu chose to look at him at that moment, and smiled.

He played like he had never played before after that.

*

The next Friday, Uenoyama went to collect Mafuyu from his class to walk together to station and get the train to the studio. They sometimes had sleepovers on Fridays, and this time Mafuyu was supposed to go to his.

He was approaching the door of his home classroom when he noticed someone else there, looking inside as if searching for someone. By the way the guy’s smile widened all of a sudden, Uenoyama knew that he had found his target. Probably there to collect his girlfriend.

That is why he was not ready at all for what happened next.

Mafuyu was coming towards the door, and before he could greet him with their familiar pat on the head, the guy by the door directed his bright smile not at any girlfriend, but at _Mafuyu_.

‘Hey Sato, I was waiting for you.’

Wait, what.

Mafuyu didn’t seem surprised, or finding this as odd, outrageous and totally unacceptable as it actually was.

‘Have you thought about it, then?’ the guy continued. ‘We’re doing some try outs for next year and it would be great if you could join us.’ Uenoyama had never seen anyone showing more teeth in a smile. ‘We normally hang out later, you could join us for that too, of course!’

‘Hm. I don’t know. I might have band practice.’

The idiot laughed.

‘I’m sure your bandmates wouldn’t mind a one off, right?’ he said, turning then to Uenoyama, who he had completely blanked right until that instant.

Uenoyama’s brain was too busy trying to process what the tall, bleached blond, buff dude in front of him was saying, so he just stared.

‘Anyway, you have my number, let me know. See you soon!’

And with a wink, he was gone. Mafuyu turned to him.

‘Hi Uenoyama-kun, did you have a good afternoon? Huh.. Uenoyama-kun? Are you ok?’

It took a while for Mafuyu’s voice to cut through the loud, hot white noise ringing in his ears. Mafuyu had teased him enough about his jealousy to actually show his jealousy. The deep, strong, raging jealousy he was experiencing.

‘I’m just tired, let’s go.’

They walked in silence for a while, Mafuyu with a small smile on his lips while humming some tune he didn’t recognise. He wanted to ask him about who the _hell_ was that guy and what he wanted with him, but he didn't know how without showing how much he had hated it. But he had a right though, right? He didn’t want to be possessive. Mafuyu was his own person, or he should be, and needed his own space at times. Too often if you asked him. But was it that odd, that he asked about someone he’d never seen him with? It didn’t have to sound jealous, did it? It was totally natural to be curious, that was all. If only he could bring himself to do it.

Next to him, Mafuyu didn’t seem to notice his struggle.

But then again, perhaps he did, because halfway to the station, Mafuyu closed the gap between them, grabbed his hand discreetly, intertwined their fingers together, and started to draw circles on his skin with his thumb.

As if by magic, his mind went silent, only aware of that soft hand and his soft owner’s voice.


	2. Uenoyama's Monday Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uenoyama's gloomy lunch hour on a Monday takes an unexpected turn.

The weekend went by in a blink, and a very moody Uenoyama Ritsuka rolled off the bed on Monday morning.

After their Friday sleep over, he hadn’t been able to spend any time with Mafuyu, their shifts aligning perfectly to make sure they had as little time as possible to see each other. They didn’t live close, and with homework to be finished and studying to be done on top of work, he had to grudgingly admit that there was no point in trying.

They had talked a lot on the phone, though, letting each other know how they were doing with their assignments and even playing for each other when they realised they were too excited to wait until Monday. 

Of course, the time apart had only given Uenoyama more time to stew in his jealous thoughts. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the buff, smooth idiot who had been seeking Mafuyu, but he hadn’t been able to gather enough courage to ask him about it on the phone either.

He hadn’t cared at all about this Mafuyu fever while the bolder fans were random giggly girls. They were mostly harmless and nice, anyway, and it was kind of fun, watching Mafuyu interacting with others, especially when those others were giggling girls with a crush on him. But this…this was an entirely different matter, because this guy was very obviously not a fangirl, and he didn’t giggle, and he was handsome and friendly and taller and older than Uenoyama. And well, he was a _boy_ , which made his jealousy totally justified in his mind. It was not that he didn’t trust Mafuyu, of course it wasn’t that. What he didn’t trust at all were this guy’s intentions. There was something nagging at the back of his jealousy-addled brain, but he just didn't know what. 

Stupid feelings and stupid handsome guys who could see how stupidly beautiful and lovable Mafuyu was.

Busy as he was opening his school locker, he didn’t fail to feel his presence before he heard him.

‘Good morning, Uenoyama-kun.’

God he was beautiful. Mafuyu looked sleepy and confused, as usual this early in the morning, and he was smiling softly at him.

‘I missed you,’ he blurted for a reply, surprising both himself and his boyfriend.

‘It was only two days and we talked all the time,’ Mafuyu teased.

‘Well so what if I did? I will not miss you at all next time if that’s what you want.’

He was so embarrassing. His face was so hot. And bloody Mafuyu was…

…closer. Mafuyu was closer now, he could feel his breath at the back of his neck, but he decided to nurse his embarrassment and focus on his locker instead.

Until a warm hand found his fisted one, fingers brushing gently over his.

‘Don’t be mad, Uenoyama-kun. I was only teasing. I missed you too.’

‘Hmm’, he acknowledged curtly, but squeezed Mafuyu’s hand back before stepping away, aware that other students had started to appear around them.

‘I will see you at lunchtime?’ he asked, struggling against the urge to kiss him. 

‘Hmm.’

Uenoyama went to find the class registers with a tingle in his hand and an indescribable warmth in his heart.

*

Of course, the warm feeling in his heart wasn’t meant to last long. 

Because when he went to pick Mafuyu from the gym later that day, where his class was having their last lesson before lunch, instead of his usual giggling fangirls, sitting next to Mafuyu was Buff Guy. Sitting far too close. 

_Don’t even think about it. You absolutely can’t stomp over and kiss him in from of everyone. You gave your word and the gym is full of students. Calm down, Uecchi. He might just be being friendly to Mafuyu. He can have other friends, can he not?_

_NO!_ he wanted to reply, but then he listened to his inner voice. He didn’t know when exactly Kaji-san’s had become the voice of his conscience, but he was glad that it was a voice he could listen to. He would have done many stupid things if that voice sounded just like his own.

Mafuyu’s back was against the wall, vaguely looking at the last moments of the match, so he didn't see him standing there .

Buff Guy did.

And looking directly into his eyes, he _smirked_.

Uenoyama’s shock must have been written all over his face, for Buff Guy’s smirk widened, showing his unnaturally white and perfect rows of teeth. Like a bloody shark.

But then, another thought, a much scarier one, made way into his malfunctioning brain.

 _He knows_.

There was no other way to read that smirk. Perhaps they had been more obvious than they thought? Or perhaps this guy was only more perceptive because he too saw Mafuyu with different eyes? What had even made him think that Mafuyu was…?

Damn.

How much did he _really_ know? Had he surmised they were together, and had decided to get in between them anyway? Or did he think that Mafuyu was free and Uenoyama was interested and had decided to play his cards as well and let the better man win?

The final whistle pulled him out of his thoughts. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to go over to them and whisk Mafuyu away. But he also wanted to run away from the pain and the jealousy that had started to take hold of his heart. Buff Guy was…well, he was handsome. Very handsome, even. He wasn’t as buff as Kaji-san of course, but he wasn’t far off and he was younger than him. His bleached blonde hair looked so cool, and he had a couple of earrings in one ear. He looked...he looked…

He looked like Yuki.

At least enough for him to remember. 

Uenoyama felt sick. He was glad he hadn’t eaten yet.

He had seen Yuki’s picture once. Mafuyu had been in the shower and asked him not to snoop around. He had found it odd but had somehow convinced himself that he had been teasing, it was hard to tell sometimes. It turned out that perhaps Mafuyu had known what he was going to find if he did look around. He found a couple of pictures inside a Maths book from middle school. There was Mafuyu, arms around a tallish boy with spiky blond hair and the most confident smile on his face. He knew instantly who that was. But what made his eyes sting a bit was how happy Mafuyu looked. He was laughing while hugging this guy. His boyfriend. The boyfriend he still loved and missed every day. He had never seen him laughing like that, besides the day he confessed his feelings at Minato Mirai.

By the time Mafuyu had come back to the room, hair wet and cheeks rosy, Uenoyama had packed his things and informed him that his sister had texted him. He was expected at home. He left without saying much, and if Mafuyu had suspected what had happened while he was in the shower, he never said.

For a couple of seconds Uenoyama wondered whether it was too late to walk away before Mafuyu saw him. But then Mafuyu got up and picked up his guitar, saw him, and waved at him, with Buff Guy following closely.

‘Have you had lunch, guys?’ Buff Guy said before either of them could greet the other.

‘Not yet,’ Mafuyu answered candidly. ‘We usually eat after we’ve practised for a bit.’

‘Mind if I join? My friends have already eaten by now, they never wait for me, like the sharks they are!’

 _Knew it_.

He was about to say something, when Mafuyu spoke for him.

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea, we have a lot to practice today. Uenoyama-kun, are you ready?’

Trying very hard not to start a victory dance on the spot, but mostly insanely grateful for Mafuyu’s ability to read his emotions, Uenoyama nodded.

‘Yeah, let’s go.’

‘You owe me a lunch date, then!’ Buff Guy had the insolence to add. ‘ Enjoy your practice, Sato. See you around.’

‘See you.’

They walked in silence towards the steps. Well, he walked in silence while Mafuyu told him about his lessons in the morning, a couple more love letters, and even a box of chocolates that had appeared on his desk with an anonymous and beautifully written tag that read ‘Your Mystery Fan’ stuck on it.

He tried. He really tried. But in the end, by the time they had sat down and before their guitars were out, the smirk he had seen on the guy’s face was too much.

‘Who is he.’

Mafuyu, whose attention had been on taking the Gibson out of its case, looked at him, confused.

‘Who is he, Mafuyu?’

He didn’t like his tone, but there was nothing he could do.

‘Takeshi-kun? He’s a year older than us. And the captain of the football team.’

‘Oh is he now,’ he said before he could stop himself. He didn’t want Mafuyu to think this was him being unreasonably jealous.

Which was _exactly_ what Mafuyu thought, going by the smirk he saw forming on his lips. He was not having it today.

‘No, don’t look at me like that. It is _not_ that. When did you meet him anyway?’

‘He was walking down the corridor when I was being cornered by some girls. They were…confessing. He came over and interrupted the whole thing, said I looked like I needed the help.’

Uenoyama didn’t know what to say.

‘We have spoken a few times after that. He saw our live and really enjoyed it.’ Mafuyu sounded so unaffected, which in turn calmed his galloping heart. ‘You don’t have to get jealous, Uenoyama-kun…’ he gently chided. ‘He just talked about his football team and invited me to try it out, since they’re looking to fill in some spots for upcoming matches. That’s all.’

‘I don’t think that’s all, Mafuyu.’

He was about to start telling him everything, the smirk, the knowing look. But Mafuyu put his guitar aside, wiggled closer, and placed one hand on his shoulder, the other on his chest, just above his thumping heart. ‘You’re cute when you’re jealous, Uenoyama-kun.’ He felt Mafuyu’s breath on his mouth. ‘But you don’t need to be.’

After that, Mafuyu’s lips were on his and he couldn’t think of anyone or anything else.

*

_One week later_

Uenoyama was sitting at his desk, eating his lunch there, on his own. Which, unless he was napping, wasn’t normal.

But what was normal anymore.

Another week had passed, and things had only got worse. Takeshi had picked Mafuyu up a couple of times at lunchtime, under the excuse of talking about the damned football try outs, or perhaps he didn’t need an excuse anymore.

Mafuyu, seeing how distressed he had been at the very mention of the other boy, had taken his hand in his, and told him that he wouldn’t do it if Uenoyama really didn’t want him to.

But how could he ever take up on the offer? He didn’t want to control Mafuyu’s life, didn’t want to _take_ things from him. There were so many things that Mafuyu seemed to have missed somehow, basic, everyday things that most people his age had experienced, that the last thing Uenoyama wanted was depriving him of living, discovering, trying things out. Making new friends. He wanted to _give_ , not take from him. Enough things had been taken from him already and he was sure he didn't even know half of it.

But boy had it been tempting.

The reason why he was eating alone was that today Mafuyu had finally said yes to play a game with Takeshi’s team. He was surprisingly good at sports, his skills not limited to basket. Itaya and Ueki had asked him to play some basket with them, immediately withdrawing the offer and scattering away when they picked on Uenoyama's foul mood. 

And so there he was, eating some konbini bento he had picked from work the day before. 

‘Uenoyama-kun?’

He lifted his head towards the voice calling him. A girl he didn’t know was in front of him, smiling.

‘Huh…yeah?’

‘My name is Midori-san,’ Midori said confidently. ‘I’m a huge, huge fan of yours and your band. I’d really like to get to know you better…’ she smiled. And winked.

‘Uhm…I…I don’t know…’

‘Oh hi Midori, were you looking for Honda-san? She’s not in today.’

Midori startled at Kasai-san’s sudden appearance.

‘Kasai-san. No, no, I’m here for Uenoyama-kun today. He’s about to give me his number!’ she giggled.

‘Huh?’ Uenoyama panicked. He should have seen this coming.

‘I think you might have misunderstood him. I don’t think the person he’s dating would be very happy with him giving out his number just like that!’

Uenoyama had never been very good at reading all the subtleties of human interactions. He was actually pretty shit at it, to be honest. But even with his limited skills, he could tell that he was witnessing some sort of battle and that Kasai-san had just secured a clean victory, if Midori-san’s frown was any indicative.

‘Do you have a girlfriend, Uenoyama-kun?’ the girl’s voice had lost some of the confidence. ‘I didn’t know, I’m sorry. Is the lucky girl in school?’ she seemed to perk up at the thought of some gossip.

‘I…yeah. I mean, I am with someone. Sorry.’

Midori-san duly dismissed, he stared at Kasai-san, unsure of what had happened or what it meant.

‘Uh...thank you for that, I guess.’

Kasai smiled at him and nodded.

‘Uenoyama-kun…would you go for a walk with me?’

 _Damn_.

Itaya and Ueki had teased him enough times about Kasai-san having more than platonic intentions towards him. Her pettiness about Mafuyu’s past had seemed to confirm that. But they had made up and she had apologised, so he had thought that had been the end of it. Did she get rid of Midori-san to have less competition? Was she going to finally confess? The day was getting worse and worse and he wasn’t in the mood for any of it. 

‘Look, Kasai-san, I don’t think I’m feel-’

‘I’m not going to ask you out, you silly. Don’t worry. You just seem to need some fresh air today. Come on, let’s walk.’

His relief must have been painfully obvious, for Kasai-san laughed, and told him that he didn’t need to look so relieved. He blushed and apologised as he stood up to follow her outside.

The school grounds were big enough for him to be able to avoid the football pitches. They made some small talk as they walked towards some benches near a small green area, Kasai-san genuinely complimenting his band and wishing them luck for the future. She was sort of a fan herself ever since she had went to see them live.

‘So,’ she said when they finally found a bench and sat down. ‘Did you two have a fight?’

Uenoyama gaped at her.

‘Huh? Fight?’

‘I don’t know, you seem unhappy lately. I thought it might be all these girls around you, or’ she paused, ‘around Sato-kun. But I don’t think you’re too worried about any of them, are you?’

Kasai-san’s eyes were soft and her smile a bit sad, but knowing. Was she actually saying what he thought she was saying? Did she know? How? Was there anyone left in school who _didn't_ know?? He panicked. No one was supposed to know.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he lied weakly. 

‘I'm talking about how I don’t think I was lying when I told Midori you’re dating someone. Was I?’

Uenoyama sighed, hiding his face in his palms.

‘I …I’m not…’ He couldn’t say it.

Kasai-san chuckled.

‘I have spent enough time watching your moves and your reactions, as you well know. If I ever was so petty about Sato-kun’s past, it’s only because I was jealous of what I was seeing.’

Uenoyama looked up, genuinely surprised.

‘There was nothing to see. At the time. I didn’t…’

‘You didn’t _know_ , but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there already.’

Uenoyama realised his mouth was hanging in a very stupid way.

‘I could see it clearly, you know. It _was_ there. I kept telling myself that it was just me being insecure and jealous of how this strange boy had suddenly become such a close friend, when there I was, trying my best to be your friend and perhaps… I don’t know. Sato-kun being a boy…well. It gave me hope, for a bit. They're friends, they are close because of the band, I kept telling myself. It made sense, didn’t it? But in my heart, I knew what I was seeing. I guess it takes one idiot in love to know another.’ 

‘I’m sorry,’ he offered half-heartedly. Because while he was sorry for hurting her feelings, he could never be sorry for loving Mafuyu. 

‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve made my peace with that. And,’ she paused, teasing. ‘I think you and Sato-kun are cute together. I told you, he’s super hot, too.’ Kasai-san finished, her blush matching her hair when she realised what she had said.

Uenoyama, ignoring his own blush, chuckled. Time to change topic.

‘We didn’t fight, but…there’s this guy, from the year above…’

And suddenly, Uenoyama found himself telling everything to Kasai-san. He kept the part about how bloody Takeshi looked so much like Mafuyu’s dead boyfriend, but he told her everything else. And it felt…oddly liberating.

‘Hm. I know him,' she said when he had finished rambling. 'He used to date Honda-san’s cousin. I don’t like him. Too cocky, and I’ve seen him bullying many first years.’

He had to ask, no matter how hot his face had become.

‘Was…Honda-san’s cousin. Were they a girl or…?’

‘Girl. But we’ve heard…well, I’m sorry, I promise I don’t want to start another rumour, but this I know to be true. It’s just that Honda-san’s cousin was really upset because Takeshi-kun had been cheating on her with several people. And some of them…well. She said they were _boys_.’

Uenoyama closed his eyes.

‘I’m sorry, Uenoyama-kun. But I don’t think you need to worry about him. I don’t know Sato-kun very well, but if you two are dating, he doesn’t seem the type to do that. He must have deep feelings for you, to have opened up to you so soon after…well. Last year.’

He nodded, desperate for her to be right. 

‘Kasai-san,’ he said, serious. ‘You can’t tell anyone about this. We promised to the rest of the band that we’d be discreet. Please.’

Kasai-san looked a bit offended. ‘Of course I won’t say a thing. We’re friends, Uenoyama-kun. Or at least I hope we are. I’m sorry if I went too far telling Midori-san that you’re seeing someone. I thought she would pass the word around and maybe they would leave you alone.’

‘No, no, that was fine,’ Uenoyama waved his hand. ‘Thank you. And thank you for…well. Being cool about everything.’

It was Kasai-san’s turn to wave her hand.

‘Don’t thank me. It’s the least I can do after how I behaved. There’s nothing wrong with falling in love with…you know. Whoever you fall in love with. So, friends?’ she said, and extended her hand towards him. 

‘Friends’, he smiled back, feeling strangely light and, perhaps, a bit more hopeful than before.

‘Good. Now, go and speak with him. You’re not good at expressing yourself and neither is Sato-kun. But someone has to, that's what being in a relationship means. You talk to each other, you are honest with each other, you fix things.’

She made it sound so easy. But Uenoyama had no idea how to approach any of it with his boyfriend. He had no idea how to approach having or _being_ a boyfriend in the first place, even without the added complications that came with dating Mafuyu. Totally worth it, of course, but his being in love hadn't magically improved his communication skills. If anything, where Mafuyu was involved, he had got worse. 

Mafuyu had already dismissed it as jealousy. Perhaps it was better to wait and see. Kasai-san was right. Mafuyu wouldn’t do anything stupid like…like going and falling in love for his lost love’s doppelganger.

He had to trust that. He had to trust him.

He didn’t have to trust Buff Guy at all though. It was only sensible, to keep an eye on him anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kasai-san. I could never really hate on Kasai. Poor girl had it rough. She was super petty indeed, like Ue said to her, but not only she owned it and apologised afterwards, but in Ep. 10 she is the one who tells Uenoyama that he should go and check on Mafuyu. 
> 
> Seems to me that she had always known and after the live she not only accepted it, but was sort of encouraging it. Or at least ok with it. 
> 
> x


	3. Backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, apologies for typos and nonsense. I'll of course spot them all once I hit the post button.
> 
> Hope everyone's ok out there. At least we'll always have stories and all the imagined universes we love waiting for us when we need them.  
> x

**Chapter 3.**

**Backwards**

Two days after his conversation with Kasai-san, Uenoyama had started to believe that everything was going to be ok in the end and he had been worrying for no reason. 

On one hand, Mafuyu hadn’t spent any more of his time with the idiot, which was _good_. Not only because of his personal insecurities and the idiot himself teaming up to torment him, but because it had occurred to him that others could have also begun to connect the dots. The very obvious, bright, fluorescent dots going from _Mafuyu-does-something-with-someone-that-is-NOT-Uenoyama_ to _Uenoyama-in-a-foul-mood-for-the-rest-of-the-day_. Itaya and Ueki had noticed even at the beginning, when he was just teaching Mafuyu how to play. Now they were not only closer, but also constantly observed by some fan or another. He hated it. But they had to be careful and aware of their surroundings, like Haruki-san had said. 

On the other hand, Uenoyama had to deal with the side effects of Kasai-san’s Big Reveal, although after all the tension with the idiot it had almost been a welcome distraction.

As she had predicted, Midori-san had wasted no time spreading the gossip, and by the next morning, it seemed that the school’s entire female population, and a good portion of the male one, had heard the news that Uenoyama Ritsuka was dating someone.

 _You have shattered my heart and only time will tell if I can forgive you for giving me hope_ , read one of the notes he had found on his desk after coming from a lunchtime basket game.

 _You never gave us a chance, how is that fair?!_ Read a different one, signed by ‘An ex-Seasons fan’. 

What were these people talking about? Had he been giving hopes away without noticing? He would have noticed, wouldn’t he?

It was all so confusing. Their fifteen minutes of fame were starting to feel too high a price to pay for Given doing better than The Seasons used to do.

Another thing he had noticed was that a few girls were now following him full time. Literally following. There was no other explanation for how he would find the same groups of girls day after day near the boys’ toilets, in the canteen, chatting in the corridor within short distance of his classroom. Even on the train home! The fact alone that _he_ had noticed, when he never noticed anything, mostly because his lack of interest whatsoever in any of the intricate social gossip nets going around, was proof enough that it had gone a bit too far.

That’s why, on Thursday morning, Uenoyama decided to skip going anywhere outside his classroom at lunch time, as his previous reccie mission to the toilet had revealed some girls already firmly posted on their stalking posts. So he had texted Mafuyu to let him know that he would stay in his classroom for lunch, and Mafuyu had texted back that he would join as soon as he finished some homework he hadn’t done the day before.

With his face on the table, repeatedly banging the wood with his forehead, he heard someone sitting on Itaya’s chair, and a finger poking his hair.

‘Come on, don’t be so dramatic. What’s going on? Your fangirls or…you know? She lowered her voice. ‘Something else?’

He lifted his face and sat properly.

‘You are a girl, you might know about this. Do you think I’ve been giving hope to any of…of them, somehow? Got that in a letter the other day. Pink, angry handwriting.’

Kasai-san laughed.

‘I don’t think I’ve seen anyone giving _less_ hope to any girl than you do, Uenoyama-kun. Trust me on that. You shouldn’t worry, it’s not you.’

‘I think some of them are following me. They’re following me _home_!’

‘Well, they all want to know who this mysterious girl is that you’ve been dating in secret, so now every interaction, every conversation counts as a clue to solve the mystery. I’m sorry if it’s costing you more trouble than it’s worth.’

‘No, no, it’s fine. Just a bit weird.’

‘Well, you need to get used to it, your band seems to be more popular than ever. Have you checked your social media? You guys are getting some fanbase.’

With a new headbang to his dek, Uenoyama half-grumbled something, which made Kasai-san laughed. And then he heard her laugh stop all of a sudden. When he lifted his head, he found himself surrounded by three very angry looking girls.

‘I knew it! You had been lying to us all this time, haven’t you?’

Midori-san’s face was a bit red, she was not happy, if her accusing finger pointing accusingly at Kasai-san was any indication. Her friends looked as displeased as she did, their arms crossed on their chests.

‘Oh hi Midori, hi girls. What are you talking about?’ said Kasai-san with a bright smile.

‘Don’t pretend with us, we know it’s you!’

‘Me?’

‘Yes! You are the mystery girl he’s dating, aren’t you? We saw you together on Monday, at lunchtime. And now you were laughing coquettishly with him! How could you do that to us?’

For a second, Uenoyama wondered whether he should say something or what. Would that make things worse for Kasai-san? 

Luckily there was clearly no need for it, as Kasai-san stood up, and instead of denying anything, she _smirked_ at them.

His first thought was, what was with everyone smirking in school lately? Had they all been smirking all this time and he was only just now catching up?

His second thought was _‘shit.’_ Because he knew Kasai-san actually had feelings for him, so being thought to be his girlfriend…he didn’t want to hurt her.

And his third thought was _‘wow. I’ll remember not to cross her in the future’_.

Because his new ally had turned into some anime-like monster, eyes bulging and mouth impossibly huge as she told them off, throwing in some reminders of past grievances and warnings for the future that the three girls seemed to understand. It all seemed to confirm how the girls' world was an entire different one from his. Which given the latest developments in his life, he thought it made sense. 

They left the classroom in a rush, so angry that they didn’t see Mafuyu, who had been standing by the door, looking at them with an odd look on his face. They bumped into him on their way out. 

‘Mafuyu!’ Uenoyama gestured for his boyfriend to come in.

He had an odd look on his face.

‘Are you ok? They didn’t hurt you, did they?’

‘No, I’m ok.’

Kasai-san apologised for the girls’ behaviour before excusing herself with a wink, leaving the chair to a quieter-than-usual Mafuyu.

They spent the last ten minutes of their break talking about the next day’s rehearsals, and whether there would be a sleep over and where. He was glad to see Mafuyu perking up a little at the prospect of a weekend together. Uenoyama had been sincere on Monday morning – he had missed his quiet, oddball of a boyfriend terribly. 

Looking at Mafuyu’s soft smile talking about his day and planning their weekend together, Uenoyama couldn’t remember why he had wanted to bring up unpleasant stuff with him. The bloody idiot hadn’t even been in the picture lately and Mafuyu and he were making plans together and all was good in the world.

He should have known better.

*

A few hours later, Uenoyama was lazily packing up his things.

He was in no hurry to leave school. Mafuyu had already left for work, rehearsal was not until the next day, and he didn’t have to work.

His headphones on, he was walking towards the gates when someone appeared from behind and stood in front of him. 

‘Hey, Uenoyama. Walking home alone?’

Reluctantly, he took one earbud out.

‘What do you want.’

Takeshi smirked. Of course.

‘I just thought it was time for us to have a little chat. Clear the air.’

‘I have nothing to talk to you about. Piss off.’

‘Whoa…does Mafuyu know this is how you talk to his friends?’

Uenoyama was having a nice day. He just wanted to go home, and he knew Takeshi was trying to rile him. So very calmly, he looked at him in the eye. The idiot kept talking.

‘Let’s go somewhere else, with more…privacy. I’m sure you’d rather have it for this.’

Reluctantly, he followed Takeshi until they were away from the rest of the students’ usual paths.

‘What. Do you. Want.’

‘I thought you'd be clever enough to know? Mafuyu. I want Mafuyu. So I thought I could just be open about it with you, seeing that you won’t leave him alone.’

Uenoyama’s blood had started to pump harder in his ears. He could not give anything out. Calm down. He had to calm down.

‘I have no idea what you’re on about. So if that’s all, I need to be off.’

‘Oh come on, man,’ Takeshi laughed, a horrible, horrible laugh that was much worse than his smirk. ‘You don’t have to pretend. I know you are like me.’

‘What, an arrogant asshole? I don’t think so.’

Takeshi scoffed. ‘Of course you’d be a coward about it. Is he your first love?’ he sing-songed. ‘It’s pathetic, to be honest, how lovesick you look whenever he’s around.’

Uenoyama clenched his teeth so hard it had it hurt.

‘Look, I know you have the advantage of the band and being friends and all, but you scream _virgin_ from a mile. You wouldn’t even know what to do with him.’

It was then, Uenoyama was sure, when he was finally going to lose his shit completely.

But then, something clicked. 

Takeshi _didn’t_ _know_. He thought Uenoyama was trying to get Mafuyu for himself, which meant he didn’t really know that ship had sailed. On a beautiful day at Minato Mirai.

_Mafuyu blushing, the ocean breeze ruffling his hair._

_Mafuyu laughing, not smiling shyly but really, truly laughing after having run away for him to chase after._

_Mafuyu’s soft voice, braver than he himself could have ever been, confessing his feelings were not just friendly, but romantic._

It would be so _easy_. He could just look at Takeshi in the eye and see his stupid, smug face drop when he heard that Mafuyu was actually _his_ , and had been all this time. That Mafuyu had chosen _him_ already, and would never go for a pathetic bully like him. 

He just had the bastard. It was _there_ , within his reach. The victory punch he so deserved.

But he couldn’t do it. He had promised. And what was more, it wasn’t his place to out Mafuyu like this.

‘I _know_ about him. People talk, you know,’ Takeshi carried on, unaware of how thin the ice was becoming under his feet. ‘And I happen to know he was dating this guy who killed himself, back in middle school. I think I might be his type. And he really, _really_ is my type. The best of both worlds in you ask me...He’ll soon forget about playing guitar when he has more fun things to play with.’

Takeshi had no time to react before Uenoyama had him pinned to the wall by his collar. All the rage that had been boiling inside his heart for weeks had found its way out, and he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t want to stop it. The bastard had crossed the line. 

‘Stay away from him, you hear me?!’ he pushed him again. ‘Stay. Away. From him.’

So much for not showing his feelings. He was panting, mad with rage, but he was no match for Takeshi, who pushed back with impossible strength, sending Uenoyama to the ground, landing hard on his back.

Takeshi took a step forward, adjusting his uniform. 

‘Or what?’ he said slowly, looking down at him from his standing position. Unafraid, confident.

Nothing came out of Uenoyama’s mouth, his breathing ragged and the pain coming from his back sharp. 

‘Thought so. Not a word of our little friendly chat to Mafuyu, of course. Or I will have to let your little secret out. What are all your disappointed fans going to say, when they realise how _devious_ their precious guitar hero is?’

Uenoyama stayed on the ground for a while after Takeshi had gone. He tried to think, but his mind had come to a halt. Ok. First, he needed to get up and walk to the station. He was in pain but nothing felt broken. He then needed to get home and take some painkillers.

And then he had to _think_. But for all that to happen, he needed to calm himself down first.

Hours later, lying very still on his bed in the middle of the night, he still hadn’t quite managed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, Takeshi is based on a real person, his speech the core of Takeshi's speech.  
> Wish it was just me being dramatic for effect.  
> x


	4. It's only a bit of pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Turns out this chapter just didn't want to sort itself out.  
> I've been agonising over its different sections for days, struggling with every aspect someone writing a story can struggle with.  
> These boys are deep, my friends.
> 
> In the end I've realised that perhaps the entire chapter is a all over the shop because it's mostly set inside Uenoyama's mind, which is quite all over the shop itself at the moment, full of contradictions and first love drama, bless his heart. So I've decided to leave it as it despite everything, and hope it makes the minimum amount of sense to be readable.  
> As ever, mistakes are all mine and I'll probably edit further when I spot them all after pressing the post button. 
> 
> Thank you for popping by.  
> x

‘Right, I think that's enough for today,’ Haruki-san announced. ‘We’re all tired and starting to sound way off. Let’s go home before I start getting nervous.’

‘You mean _more_ nervous.’

‘Akihiko…’

Uenoyama was glad to see the older band members busy with their bickering. His relief to hear that the session was over was such that he feared it would come out almost offensive.

But Haruki-san was right. They were tired, the four of them.

Their next live show was approaching fast, and since the band was still riding the waves of its bloody fifteen minutes of fame, as Kaji-san had first called it, it was a big event. Their debut as _Given_ , which was important enough for them, would also be the opening number for a well-known band with a somewhat large fan base, which meant they were likely to get even more exposure. Of course they all wanted to make sure it was of the good sort, but Haruki-san’s levels of worry were as bad as Kaji-san made them.

The result of those nerves had been that, except for a short smoke break, they had been rehearsing uninterruptedly for over three hours now. Hours of what Uenoyama was sure had been his worst performance since the day his father gave him his Telecaster and he hadn’t known how to hold it properly. 

He should be fully enjoying the moment, fully living the experience, but he wasn’t.

Everything had been off - his music, his performance, his awareness of the others’ sounds. The fact that his back was hurting a lot after standing and carrying the weight of his guitar for so long wasn’t helping. But he had never been one to make excuses for himself or his performance. He wasn’t going to start now, back pain or not.

‘Are you sure you two are ok?’ Haruki-san was asking now. Lost in his thoughts as he had been, he didn’t know when the subject had changed. Making brief eye contact with Mafuyu, he saw that his boyfriend was staring at him, waiting for his answer too.

‘Uh…long week, it’s all,’ he offered as a paltry excuse, but still the truth. ‘I’m sorry, Haruki-san, I promise I will go over everything by Sunday’

He would. Because just a few weeks ago he had promised he wouldn’t let his relationship with Mafuyu affect the band, and he’d be damned if he was going to let a potential spinal injury caused by Mafuyu’s psycho admirer make him break his promise.

Busying himself with his guitar and its case, Uenoyama pretended not to notice a third pair of eyes on him.

He had not been entirely exaggerating the day he introduced Kaji-san to Mafuyu. The way he was _watching_ him right now was making him terribly uncomfortable, not unlike he imagined a prey must feel when being watched by a skilled predator. He feared that, if he looked up, he would be taken aside for another heart to heart. The thought shamed him as soon as it took form. They were only looking after him, and hell knew what he would have done with all his overwhelming feelings for Mafuyu without Kaji-san’s eye-opening conversation. But, as grateful as he truly was for it all, he didn’t think he could face a talk right now.

‘Anyway,’ Haruki-san continued, after a gauging pause. ‘You two make sure to get that second riff sorted out, it sounded way off.’

Haruki-san was right, of course. That riff had been a bit off since the beginning, no matter how many chord variations both him and Mafuyu had tried.

But then again, the riff was not the only thing that had been off lately. 

After his clash with Takeshi the day before, Uenoyama had managed to get home, eat enough to get some painkillers in, and go to bed early. Since Mafuyu had been working, there had been not much texting between them besides Mafuyu’s _I made it home ok_ , and their goodnight ones. 

His night had been less than good though. Unable to find a comfortable, pain-free position, his restless mind and bruised heart had made themselves some tea, taken a seat and cleared their voices. And they had had _a lot_ to say. 

Cue what had been a night-long crawl to the most hidden depths of his heart, where he had been keeping the good, the bad and the ugly all bottled up for a while.

His mind’s eye had also been efficient enough to bring in some visual aids, offering shots and flashbacks that he had been unable to shut down. He relived his encounters with Takeshi many times over, as well as every single time Mafuyu had left with him since the bastard had entered the picture.

Thinking of Takeshi and of pictures, it was inevitable to feel the renewed pain of a deep cut, a cut with the shape of an old picture inside a maths book, one with happy faces and carefree days in love. The sight of a smilig Mafuyu happily in love with someone else was hard to forget, as much as he wanted to. Suddenly, Yuki’s face had morphed into Takeshi's, until he could see them at school, laughing and holding each other like Yuki had done that day.

At that point, he had tried to curl himself onto his right side, as he normally fell asleep immediately that way. But there was a sudden twitch in his lower back that promised more pain to follow, so he kept looking at the streetlight reflection on the ceiling.

He lifted his arm to cover his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry, not even with himself as his only witness. But he wanted to, and he found a strange relief in admitting it. 

Fortunately, there was a part of him that cared to remind him he was being a tiny bit overly dramatic perhaps, and had finally joined the ranks of teenage high school angst that he had so contemptuously dismissed as ridiculous and lame. Yet there he was. Whatever shit threats Takeshi had tried to make, reality was there was nothing that he could do unless Mafuyu was a willing participant. He believed Kasai-san’s words, Mafuyu would never do that to him. No matter how insecure he was feeling, he believed it.

The best thing, he had decided then, would be to keep Takeshi’s incident to himself. Not because he was afraid of the bully who looked just like Yuki and had openly declared some sort of war between them to snatch Mafuyu away from him. But because he didn’t want to upset Mafuyu. He wanted to protect his mild-mannered boyfriend from knowing the horrible things Takeshi had said _of_ him, what he had implied.

Yes, that was it.

He rubbed his eyes with both hands.

Only, it wasn’t.

There was something else, as much as he had been trying not to think about it. The nastier bits with the uglier feelings he had been bottling up. Takeshi’s threat had only been the trigger.

He was _angry_. Angry at Mafuyu’s dismissal of his concerns about that arsehole. Angry for not even try to listen to what he had to say, for not taking him seriously when he approached the subject of Takeshi that day in the gym. He had been jealous, yes, but that hadn’t been all there was, and Mafuyu hadn’t listened.

_Did you insist? Did you explain? Do you think Mafuyu wouldn’t have listened to you if you had seriously asked him to?_

Anger at how easily he had left him at lunchtime to go and spend with Takeshi and his friends. Was Uenoyama just the first step in the novelty that making new friends was for Mafuyu? He had felt replaced.

 _That’s also not true_ , his more rational self had whispered again, a bit more firmly this time. That was unfair of him. Again. 

Yeah, right, high school drama. But the facts remained - Takeshi was not only handsome and confident, but of course he also had to look like Mafuyu’s lost love.

Had Mafuyu not noticed? How could he not? He, who still turned his head on the street whenever a random blond guy with a guitar passed them by? Who still preferred to hide that part of his past from him, hide _with_ that part of his past when he’d text Uenoyama that he’d rather stay on his own?

It had been his biggest struggle since he had got closer to Mafuyu, one that had started before their live show, the moment Uenoyama had realised how scared he was of hearing lyrics about Mafuyu being in love with someone else. It was much worse now than then. Because now he knew, first-hand, how it felt to have Mafuyu’s voice speaking softly of romantic feelings. He knew how Mafuyu’s cheeks reddened when he was about to kiss him, eyes bright and half-lidded, even though he was the initiator most of the times. That was tearing him in two – wanting to know every single detail about this person who had been Mafuyu’s everything, and yet not wanting to hear anything about them. About how Mafuyu had looked at him the same way, how he had whispered words of an even deeper love to him. About how happy Mafuyu had been with this amazing person their friends had seen as Mafuyu’s soulmate. Whom _he_ might have seen as his soulmate.

He feared the ugly things he might hurl at Mafuyu if he let this cocktail of anger and insecurity out and unchecked. Because he was tired. Tired of pretending there wasn’t a part of him well aware of how small and how… _less_ , what he and Mafuyu had was.

_Stop. Right. Now. It’s not the time for this. Maybe another time, but not now._

Eyes blurry, Uenoyama had noticed then the first morning lights filtering through the curtains. His mind had become silent, finally crossing the line over sheer exhaustion.

It had been then, just before sleep finally took him, when an epiphany of sorts had found him. 

He had to let go. 

No more bottling up. He had to trust this was not the insurmountable bump at the end of their road he feared it was. He would speak to Mafuyu and tell him everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He would find a moment where they were feeling close enough to each other for him to feel safe to express himself. _Communication_. Both Haruki-san and Kasai-san had told him how important it was.

And he would also tell him what he hadn’t been able to tell him before – that being with him meant _everything_ to him. How bloody _much_ he felt for him. How he never wanted to lose him. How he just wanted to see him happy, to _be_ happy, both of them, together. What they had was very new and of course it couldn't compare to years of friendship and love, but he wanted to try. He wanted it all with Mafuyu. 

He hadn’t known how he was going to find the words, only that he would.

But then Friday had come and had dropped the last emotional straw on his bruised, sleep-deprived self. 

Because Takeshi had showed up to see if Mafuyu was around for lunch. _Need you for a match, fancy it?_

And Mafuyu had said _yes_.

Mafuyu had said yes and all of a sudden, he couldn’t remember how this was supposed to _not_ affect him. There was anger and frustration and _hurt_ , in place of the wonderful epiphany he had experienced the night before. Uenoyama didn’t think he had ever hated anyone in his life. Until now.

And what he had done? Had he waited for Mafuyu to finish his lesson and opened up to him, as he had resolved? No. He had left school before Mafuyu had time to find him in his class, and had walked the long way around to avoid their usual train station, where he knew Mafuyu would go looking for him. He had also turned off his phone. 

_Coward_. And he was one. He had panicked, and had felt the shame of his move immediately. But he hadn’t gone back. 

He would go to rehearsal, would make excuses to Mafuyu for not going to his tonight, and then he’d go home and put down on paper as many thoughts as he could. Perhaps the next day he would face Mafuyu, brace himself and find the words. 

Now, hours later, he still hadn’t spoken more than two words to Mafuyu. He had asked why he had left, and his vague reply of having stuff to do and having his phone on silent had convinced no one. Mafuyu hadn’t asked further. And now, with the rehearsal over, he had no guitar to hide behind.

A hand on his shoulder startled him. He winced, and feared the questions that would inevitably follow. Kaji-san, his bag at the ready and his helmet in his hand, was in front of him, with a question in his eyes. But no words voiced it. 

‘Get some rest, Uesama. You’ll feel better tomorrow,’ 

Kaji-san gone, Haruki-san would be next. Uenoyama started to regret having wasted so much time pretending to pack instead of actually packing.

‘I can give you a ride home. To both of you. Ue, you really don’t look that good tonight.’

Uenoyama hesitated.

‘Uh...Mafuyu, you can go with him if you want. I’m sorry, but I think I’ll just go home tonight.’

It was not always that Mafuyu’s face revealed his feelings. But when it did, the intensity of it still could stir something powerful in Uenoyama’s core. Mafuyu looked at him with eyes wide open as if he had seen a ghost. Was he even breathing? Instead of his usual need for wrapping his arms around him and telling him all was ok, Uenoyama felt The Ugly trying to crawl up his throat and find his voice.

Why did he look so shocked and so sad? Did he really not know how he would be at least a bit annoyed when he left with Takeshi? Ok, Mafuyu didn’t know anything else that had been going on behind his back, but come on, he couldn’t be that stupid. He had had a bloody boyfriend before, and would never let anyone forget about it.

_Breathe. Calm down. You’re being unfair. It’s not like that. Talk to him. Be honest. Fix things._

After a bit of pressure from Haruki-san, Mafuyu accepted the offer.

‘Great. I’m going ahead to pay for the session and book the next ones. I’ll be waiting in the car.’

Uenoyama was putting his jacket on, finally letting himself look, really look at Mafuyu. He looked miserable and he wouldn’t lift his head to look at him. And despite his anger and his pain and his terrible mood, the truth, the core of it all, whether he liked it or not, was that he loved Mafuyu. He was bursting at the seams with love for the sad, quiet boy who was awkwardly trying to fit his pedal inside the small pocket of his guitar case, trying to make space, rearranging the guitar book Uenoyama had lent him a while ago and that he still carried for reasons he didn't know. He felt giddy with it all.

‘Here, let me.’

Uenoyama kneeled next to him, pushing the stuff down so Mafuyu could close the zip. For a moment their fingers brushed together.

And apparently that was all he needed to get started. 

‘Look, Mafuyu, I…I’m just…I’m not feeling it tonight. It’s been a hell of a week and a hell of a day. If I go with you now, I’m going to say things I don’t really mean and I’ll regret it and I don’t want that. I am a bit angry, and tired but…I don’t know. I don’t want to…this is _not_ a fight, Mafuyu. I promise.’ His hand found Mafuyu’s head, gently touching his hair.

 _This is me avoiding one_ , he thought, but kept it to himself.

Mafuyu nodded sadly. ‘Uenoyama-kun…’ his lips were trembling, slightly parted, as if gathering the courage to carry on. He waited for a few moments, in case Mafuyu needed more time. But in the end, Mafuyu was only able to sigh. 

‘Look, I’ll be fine. I’ll text you when I get home, so don’t you worry, ok?’

 _We’ll be fine_ , he thought. He didn’t say that either.

Mafuyu nodded.

‘Come on, let’s go. Haruki-san is waiting for us.’

It was not perfect, he still was behaving in such an uncool way, but as they went to find Haruki-san’s car, he felt much lighter than he had all day,

‘Are you sure you don’t want to come too, Ue?’ Haruki-san asked after Mafuyu had taken the passenger seat.

‘It would just add more time to your journey, I don’t mind walking.’

Haruki-san looked at him, frowning. It was tempting, the offer. He was in pain and tired and it was quite late. But then it was going to be so awkward with Mafuyu in the car and –

A _click_ sound was followed by a door opening.

‘Come in. As your senpai, that is an order.’

He sighed, opening the door behind the driving seat and privately admiring Haruki-san’s manipulation skills.

The ride was as tense as expected, but since they were all tired, a not totally uncomfortable silence descended inside the car, the rocking and gentle humming lulling them into some sort of trance. Uenoyama couldn’t help but stealing glances at Mafuyu’s profile, but he couldn’t make out his boyfriend’s expression. He hadn’t lifted his head once, his eyes on the floor and his fringe obscuring most of his face.

Uenoyama’s house was the first stop. He thanked Haruki-san once again, and then, a bit wary, he walked around the car and stopped by Mafuyu’s half opened window. Mafuyu lifted his head.

‘Goodnight, Mafuyu. I’ll text you. I promise.’

And with one more bow to Haruki-san, Uenoyama walked away. 

***

As promised, as soon as he got into bed and turned the light off, Uenoyama reached for his phone.

 _About to fall asleep. Goodnight_ _Mafuyu_.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

_Can I see you tomorrow?_

Uenoyama didn't understand how he could still feel surprised by Mafuyu’s blunt, honest ways, but his open request took him aback. They complemented each other in that respect. Where he struggled with expressing her feelings, Mafuyu would break the ice and do it for both of them. And where Mafuyu got stuck in his head and struggled with anything else, Uenoyama, more worldly, seemed to naturally take the lead.

Mafuyu sounded pretty serious though. He was not going to break up with him, was he? Had he fucked up so badly? Had he decided that Takeshi was actually a better option and he had only been impressed by Uenoyama’s music but now realised he only liked him as a friend?

He took a deep breath.

_Sure. Let me know._

_Can you come to the park near my house?_

Hm. Not exactly neutral, but Uenoyama would rather not go _inside_ his house. He needed a clear head. 

_Yeah. Noon ok?_

_Noon is good_.

Uenoyama looked at the screen, quite proud of how he was handling this entire conversation after the last two days he’d had. Perhaps the epiphany from the night before hadn’t gone down the drain entirely.

_I’ll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight._

_Goodnight._

Uenoyama had planned to worry a bit more about everything before calling it a night, but his exhausted body took over. He was asleep within seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Cinnamon Rolls

Uenoyama had been deeply asleep when his phone pinged. Loudly.

He didn’t bother opening his eyes yet, but still it seemed too bright beyond his closed eyelids. Was it morning already? Reluctantly, he lifted the covers, his hand going on muscle memory to reach out for his his phone on the nightstand.

Blinking a few times, he tried to make sense of what was on the screen. 9.30am. He had slept ten hours straight and could have carried on for longer if only he had remembered to silence his chat with Itaya and Ueki. Why the former was already awake and sending memes to the group on a bloody Saturday morning was beyond his still sleep-addled brain.

He had expected the text to be from Mafuyu, and felt the disappointment. Well. Mafuyu was most likely still asleep. Or perhaps he didn’t have anything else to say really, until he dumped him later, in the park near his house... _Oh shut up_ , his inner Kaji-san said.

Trying his best to follow the voice and ignore the small puddle of dread that had managed to form not five minutes into the new day, Uenoyama returned his phone to the nightstand, making sure he had silenced all of his group chats too. Ready to go back to sleep for a bit longer, the turning and tossing made him aware of more pressing matters. By the time he came back from the toilet and burrowed himself back under the covers, he was too awake to attempt going back to sleep. Dammit. He reached for his phone again.

Perhaps he should text Mafuyu as he promised he would. It was not like it was an extraordinary thing to do anyway. They texted each other good morning most days, especially on days they didn’t have school. This, however, was a different kind of message. It was an _I’m still here_. _I haven’t left you. You won’t find me gone._

With a couple of taps he opened Mafuyu’s messaging thread, his eyes caressing the shapes that formed his name. It was so embarrassing really, how even the smallest thing about Mafuyu made his heart beat faster. How ready he was to forgive everything his quiet boyfriend did. Not that Mafuyu would willingly hurt him, he knew that. And while he still thought he had a right to his feelings –he wasn’t going to deny that– looking at the shape of his name, re-reading some messages Mafuyu had sent him, pictures of Kedama…Uenoyama didn’t even care about Takeshi anymore. Or about the fans, or the confessions, or the love letters.

That morning, Uenoyama couldn’t find all the anger he had been nurturing for the past few weeks. On that sunny morning, the only thing that mattered to him was to see Mafuyu and hold him close. The rest was noise. He missed him. He missed _them_.

And so he started typing.

 _Good morning. Awake now. Feeling much better_.

It wasn’t much, but it was something. He waited, his phone on top of his chest, but nothing came back. Mafuyu must have been still sleeping. He tried not to worry much himself. Mafuyu slept like a log. 

Uenoyama idly opened the band’s social media next. There was a new post from Haruki-san that very morning - _why_ was everyone up so early?- a picture taken during the horrible rehearsal the night before. Uenoyama had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t from a different session, but no. It was yesterday’s session, only it didn’t look as shit as he had felt it.

Actually, it looked pretty cool.

The guys in the picture were not the tired, impatient, uncoordinated band he had seen last night. Haruki-san’s picture showed his three bandmates focused, concentrated, working hard. Kaji-san at the back, studying the playlist with an intense look on him, his right hand fiddling with one of the drumsticks, thinking.

Mafuyu sitting on the floor, checking his guitar was tuned.

Uenoyama looked at his last night’s self last. He was standing, trying out several chord combinations for the riff they couldn’t quite get to sound _perfect_. He was biting the side of his lower lip, his brow creased in concentration.

 ** _Working hard to give you something you’ll enjoy. Or so we hope! Looking forward to see you all soon!_** read Haruki’s capture.

A small smile formed on his lips. Mafuyu had often told Uenoyama that he was kind to everyone. But Uenoyama knew that if he ever got to be a portion of how _good_ a guy Haruki-san was, then Mafuyu might be right.

He read on. Apparently there were quite a bunch of replies already. 

**_HOT STUFF!! AKIHIKO IS SOoOoOo HOT!!_** Flame Flame Heart Heart Hearteyes Kiss.

 ** _OMG look at Mafuyu-kun! I. Can’t. Deal. With so much cuteness. What a cinnamon roll!! Does he have a girlfriend yet, bc I’m surely volunteering!! Mafuyu-kun, fancy a date? #Pleasesayyes #cinnamonroll #mafuyu_given_** Blushing Wink Wink Laugh Heart Heart Kiss Kiss…and was that a Cinnamon Roll Emoji?

Wait, was that a bloody proposition? Had Mafuyu read this? A _cinnamon_ _roll_? What the _hell_ did that even mean?!

 ** _@Haruki_Given Why are you not in the picture too! You’re like the kindest, prettiest guy ever, and always so humble! We love you so much! Selfie for your fans please?_** **#besthairever #loveyou** **#Haruthebest** Heart heart heart. Heart eyes.

Humble? Well, that was true, Uenoyama thought. But wait, did that mean that the rest of them were coming across as conceited assholes?

Knowing it was a bad idea, as he had recognised his name even before reading the reply properly, he read on.

 ** _Why does Uenoyama-kun always look so friggin intense? And why is that SO HOT?!_** **Does anyone know if he’s single? #wantapieceofthat #Uenoyama_Given #whyaretheyallsohot** Flame Flame Flame GuitarEmoji Heart Heart Kiss Kiss

Intense? Was he intense? When had he been _intense_??

Half-grunting, half-cursing, Uenoyama let his phone drop on his chest once again.

So that was what their fans, whatever that meant, were thinking? It was still mindblowing, the fact that the four of them could have ‘fans’ at all.

Reading some of those comments, he now understood what was behind this Mafufever and everything else at school. It was insane. Perhaps they did need to be more careful. Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea, to meet Mafuyu in a public space like that, so close to his house. Had they been following him to his house too? He didn’t think Mafuyu would notice unless some girl was actually trying to enter his house with him. 

He picked up his phone again. Perhaps it was better if they met somewhere else, maybe taking a different route. That could actually work well for him. Maybe if he took Mafuyu to Minato Mirai instead he would underst-

His screen lighted up, Mafuyu’s name appearing on it. 

_Good morning Uenoyama-kun. I don’t think I can go out today._

Uenoyama stared at the screen, his heart racing. So that was it, then? Had he decided that it was better to avoid him for the time being?

Another message arrived.

_I have a fever. Didn’t sleep much last night._

Oh. A fever again. Could he be lying? Of course he wouldn’t. He really needed to stop thinking the worst of everything. It was exhausting to be this paranoid all the time. 

Mafuyu seemed to fall ill every time he went through some sort of emotional drainage. Like after their live show, when he had finally screamed and let out everything that had been festering inside him. He felt a pang of worry. Was Mafuyu ill because of him?

_Are you ok? Do you need me to bring you stuff? Will your mum be there with you?_

Easy there. That was too pushy wasn’t it?

_Mum is staying home today. Thank you._

Ignoring his disappointment, he typed a short reply.

_Ok then. I hope you feel better._

Hm. That sounded too short and snippy, didn’t it? It did. It wasn’t his intention, not right now. But he couldn’t deny he felt a bit hurt when Mafuyu didn’t ask him to go visit him. Last time he had _insisted_ he stayed and they weren't even dating...

 _Let me know how you’re feeling later._ He added. _Please look after yourself and rest up._

Another message arrived.

 _Thank you. I really wanted to see you today, Uenoyama-kun. I’m sorry_.

Uenoyama stared at Mafuyu’s words, his heart definitely skipping a beat. It was so stupid, how much emotion he was trying to swallow down. They still had so much to talk about and perhaps they were going to break up and… He sighed. In the end, it was what it was.

_I wanted to see you too. Just get better, ok?_

Staring at his screen, Uenoyama debated whether to say something else. Like if it was ok to visit him later. If he was wanted there at all. By his bed, in his life. In the end, he didn’t. He would not force Mafuyu to see him when he was feeling unwell. When he had no choice but to say yes. _Mafuyu knows how to reject you though._

Stop. He really needed to get out of his mind, and then his bed, and just _stop_.

He saw his boyfriend was typing, but after a few moments waiting, the typing sign disappeared.

Nothing arrived.

*

_Akihiko and I will be at the studio later on. Feel free to join us if you get tired of being annoyed while pretending to practise at home._

Uenoyama had got Haruki-san’s message right before lunchtime, and after weighing his options, he realised that Haruki was right and staying at home would inevitably end in endless rumination and constant glaring at his phone to check whether Mafuyu had texted asking him to go see him. So he replied he would be there.

On his way to the studio, Uenoyama sent a couple of texts letting Mafuyu now of his plans, and reminding him he would have his phone on, in case he needed anything. 

Kaji-san and Haruki-san had already started by the time he got there, playing each other to the pre-recorded sound of his and Mafuyu’s guitars.

‘Oh, Ue, you’re earlier than we thought. Did you get some sleep? You look better.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m ok. Lots of sleep. Should sound much better today. Apologies for last night, Kaji-san, Haruki-san.’

‘It’s ok, we were just a bit worried.’

‘Huh? There was nothing to worry about.’

‘You mean that the tension between you and Mafuyu that even the amps were physically picking up wasn’t there?’

‘Akihiko…’

‘Oh…that. Nah, it’s ok. Shall we start?’

‘How’s your back today?’

Uenoyama wasn’t expecting this firing squad to hit the nerve so quickly, but then he wasn't very good at hiding things from them anyway.

‘Uh…well, it’s better too. Look, I –’

“Uecchi, you can tell us later, if you want. But if there’s something going on, you know we’re here for you, right?’

He was touched, he really was. And emotionally tender, so he just nodded and swallowed his emotions down. For now at least.

What followed was one of the best sessions he remembered. It was an uncomfortable thought, but the fact remained - without Mafuyu there, Uenoyama had felt that easiness performing with the older band members, like the old times. _The old times_. A few months ago felt like a lifetime, such had been the impact of Mafuyu becoming part of their band, of his life. It wasn't that Mafuyu made Uenoyama a worse guitar player. It was more like he couldn’t help but paying too much attention to him when he was there. It had been like that from the beginning, even before he realised what his feelings were.

Without that tension, Uenoyama could focus on their music alone, and the result was a ridiculously productive session that left them sweaty and exhausted, but high-fiving at the end of it.

‘That was amazing, guys!’ Haruki-san was so happy that Uenoyama couldn’t help but smile. He agreed, after all.

‘It was something, wasn’t it?’ Kaji-san agreed, gulping half of his water bottle in one go. ‘Are we going to ignore the fact that we’re saying this on a day that Mafuyu isn’t here or…?

‘Akihiko, why are you like this…’

Kaji-san shrugged. ‘The kid is good, I’m not saying he’s the reason we were shit yesterday. I mean that Uesama here has been able to focus and play the way he did before Mafuyu became his new obsession.’

‘Hey! That’s not…I’m not _obsessed_ with Mafuyu! What are you talking about?!’

‘Don’t listen to him, Ue. But if you'd like to tell us what all that was about yesterday…You promised after all, that you wouldn’t let your relationship affect the band.’

Uenoyama looked down for a moment. Haruki was being gentle, which was more than he deserved. He did promise. And he did want to tell someone, and his band members were probably the closest friends he had. It was odd, how he had never voiced the thought out.

And so, with the three of them sitting on the floor with some cans that Kaji-san had brought in, Uenoyama found himself spilling the tale of woe he had been living since the live show. He told them about school, about their fans getting out of control, about the MafuFever. About love letters and disappointed admirers and confessions. But especially, he told them about Takeshi and how it had all started. About how he had shown his jealousy early on and how much that had cost him. About his rough encounter, about his back, and lastly, about Mafuyu’s behaviour and how it had shaken his confidence to the core.

Uenoyama didn’t know how long he had been talking, but he realised that his bandmates hadn’t said a word since he had started, allowing him to let everything out of his chest. And it had been a lot inside his chest.

‘Wow. That is…a lot,’ said Haruki-san when he had made sure Uenoyama had finished.

Kaji-san looked pensive, nodding slowly.

‘I’m sorry, it’s silly I know, at least some of it. I shouldn’t have let myself make it bigger in my head than it is.’

‘No, that’s not…you have every right to feel a bit shaken, Ue. I feel a bit guilty now. I forced you to promise it would stay secret, your relationship. And-’

‘No no, you’re right, Haruki-san. I hate it but you are right. It shouldn’t be though. Some days I just want to storm into the classroom and grab him then and there, and kiss him for everyone to see and stop the staring and the confessing and the asking whether we have girlfriends. It’s…it's exhausting. But I know why we need to do it, not just for the band. Doesn’t make me hate it less.’

Haruki nodded. ‘Still, I feel I’m part of the problem, somehow.’

‘Nah, it’s not your fault. I…even before that asshole started to stalk Mafuyu, I’ve been…it’s like…’ he tried to explain, but how could he explain the depth of his insecurities? It was not only painful, but also embarrassing.

Unsurprisingly, it was Kaji-san who picked on it immediately. He patted his shoulder, and left his hand there.

‘First, I’ll be happy to drop by school on Monday. This asshole you talk about, he won’t even know where the punch came from.’

‘Akihiko, I really don’t think–’

‘Haru, you are too nice. That piece of shit is gone too far already playing dirty, doesn’t deserve fair play so let me jus-’

‘He’s also underage and you’re an adult who could get charged for assault!'

‘Nah, he won’t remember a thing when he wakes up,’ Kaji-san added with a smirk.

Uenoyama was touched, but thought it wasn't the time to say so. Perhaps some other time when Haru-san wasn't there.

‘Thank you for the offer, but it wouldn’t solve much. It’s just…I don’t know. Perhaps I overreacted and that made things worse. Mafuyu should be able to have other friends.’

‘That shitbag is not a friend.’

‘No, he's not, but I didn’t know that before Thursday, other than him being a smug bastard about snatching Mafuyu from me. And it didn’t matter, he could have been great. I just…I’m not…I don’t want to _take_ from him. I want him to be happy, and if that means he realises there are others out there who are cooler than me and they look like his bloody boyfriend then-’

‘I’m going to stop you there, before you carry on saying stupid shit,’ Kaji-san interrupted, looking serious.

‘Sorry I’m whinging. I shouldn’t –’

‘I didn’t stop you because you’re whinging. I stopped you because I’m not going to sit down and hear you beat yourself up. Is that what you really think? That Mafuyu is with you because he doesn’t have anyone else yet? Because _you_ happened to be the first guy he talked to after his boyfriend killed himself and so he got attached like a bloody duckling? That he’s just biding his time until a look-alike appears so he can have his boyfriend back again? Because if that’s what you really think, then I’m telling you here and now, you need to break up with him.’

Kaji-san’s last words echoed in his head like a punch to his stomach, leaving him breathless. He tried to speak, to ask if that’s what they thought he should do, if they thought Mafuyu didn’t love him really and he needed to break up with him. He realised he hadn’t really believed they’d be _really_ breaking up, but now–

‘Uenoyama,’ Haruki-san’s voice cut through his thoughts. ‘there's no need to be upset. Akihiko is not saying you _have_ to break up, do you understand?’

He nodded, mechanically. He was about to say he wasn’t upset at all, but that was a lie and the three of them knew it. Instead, he rubbed the sting in his eyes off with the back of his hand.

‘Uesama,’ Kaji-san spoke again, softer this time. ‘We don't believe Mafuyu capable of stringing you along until he finds some perfect doppelganger. But do _you_?’

Uenoyama found he could shake his head, at least.

‘Then why are you acting like you do?’

‘Because he still loves him!’ Uenoyama hadn’t meant to shout, but there it was. ‘He stills loves his dead boyfriend and I…I’m not-’ he paused, swallowing the tightness in his throat. ‘Maybe I’m not enough to make him forget and I'll never be, and that’s why he still…Maybe I’m nothing special without a guitar.’

‘Oh so you feel very special with a guitar, huh?’

He looked up sharply, ready to argue that of course that wasn’t what he meant, even though he _was_ good with his guitar. But Kaji-san was only looking at him with a smirk on his face. _Gotcha_ , it said loud and clear.

‘Ue, it’s true that Mafuyu keeps to himself and is not easy to read,’ Haruki-san spoke softly. ‘But think about the first time you met him, the first time you brought him here with you. Did he look like someone who was looking for romance to you? Or did he look so lost and so sad that you, and we too, couldn’t help but wanting to take that sadness away? I was seriously concerned about him at the beginning. Still am, but at least now we know, sort of, the burden he carries.’

Uenoyama nodded. Haruki-san was right, he supposed. 

‘He and his dead boyfriend…they didn’t break up, not really. He told me once, after you asked him to write the lyrics and say something. He asked me what I would say if someone I loved suddenly disappeared from this earth. I told him I didn’t know, and he said that neither did he. That guy wasn’t only his boyfriend, they were childhood friends, Ue. Of course he’s going to miss him, and some days something will remind him of the old times and he will miss those times so much that, in that moment, it will feel that nothing will ever be as good. But that’s part of grieving, and so it's rarely true.’

‘Why is he with me then? Why did he want us to be boyfriends, if he’s still in love with someone else? If this is not as good for him?’

‘Ue, you’re only half listening. The lines of love are never neat,’ it was Kaji-san who answered. ‘They are blurred and messy and sometimes you do love someone new, but it’s a love growing in the shadow of an old love you can’t let go of just yet. That doesn’t mean the new feelings aren’t real, Ue. Mafuyu isn't only grieving his dead boyfriend, but a dead life, _his,_ the only life he knew. And some days he’ll look at you and at what his life is now and he will feel out of place and wishing things were back to what they were. But that doesn’t mean all the other times he looks at you like you’re the fucking _sun_ aren’t real. It’s just…it takes time.’

There was a long silence filling the room after Kaji-san finished, with both bandmates looking intently at their laps. Uenoyama wondered whether Kaji-san had been still talking about Mafuyu and him after all. 

‘Uh, yes, that’s true,’ Haruki-san was the first to recover. ‘Um, you said you were going to talk today, right? Just talk to him then. I’ve told you forever, Uecchi. Communication. You’re torturing yourself with all these thoughts of not being enough without having even talked to Mafuyu about any of this. And Akihiko is right, you know. They way Mafuyu looks at you when you’re not looking… yesterday he kept glancing at you, worry all over his face, but unable to ask you. When you told him you wouldn’t have your Friday sleep over for no other reason that _not_ _feeling_ _it_ , that wasn’t the face of someone who’s about to ditch you. Talk to him about this Takeshi guy and the situation he put you in. But for now,’ Haruki got up. ‘Let’s go have some meat, what do you say? Akihiko? Aki?’

Kaji-san seemed somehow lost in his thoughts, and Uenoyama had the distinct feeling that he was the only one missing something in the room. Haruki-san got up and started packing up, and soon they both followed. 

After that, dinner was a much lighter affair. Haruki-san asked about Mafuyu’s fever in the band group chat, telling him they missed him and sending him a picture of the three of them with their mouths full but with sad faces and chopsticks pointing at Mafuyu’s empty usual seat.

Uenoyama hadn’t heard much from Mafuyu all day. He did find a couple of messages from him, mostly wishing him a good session and telling him he was feeling a bit better, thanks to his mum’s chicken soup. Or her very presence, Uenoyama thought.

The night had picked up and they were having a good time. The two senpais were discussing the split of the bill when Uenoyama got up.

‘Need the loo, back in a mo.’

He didn’t make it far. He had been feeling so much better after their conversation that he had completely forgotten about his back. His back that, after hours of straining and twisting, had decided that it was time to make some noise in order to be taken seriously. It worked. 

_Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit._

It was all a bit of a blur after that.

The trip to the closest hospital would probably be one of those adventures they’d recount and laugh at over drinks sometime in the future. As it was, the intense pain and the inability to straighten up without screaming in pain was as far from hilarious as possible. The fact that Haruki-san’s car wasn’t very big was just a bonus.

Kaji-san met them outside the hospital, as he had been faster on his bike. They stayed with him and helped him keep his mind occupied while waiting to be seen. Over an hour later, a doctor finally called him in. 

An x-ray confirmed that nothing was broken, but there was some serious inflammation in the area that could, and had, got worse without treatment. 

‘Come on, Ue, a couple of days in bed with medication is a small price to pay for being such a dumbass. What were you thinking?!’ Haruki-san wasn’t impresleepyheadd.

‘That I’m not a whingy toddler and that a fall on my ass shouldn’t made me cry?’

‘Clearly smartass is not the same as smart, is it?’

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, and it was almost one in the morning when Uenoyama found himself carried to his bed by Kaji-san, to his utmost embarrassment and Yayoi's mirth. He had texted his sister about what had happened, letting her know he would be home later than usual. After they had all talked and said their goodbyes and his mum had teamed up with Yayoi to remind him what an idiot he actually was, Uenoyama was finally resting in bed, lights out, the medication making him sleepy.

And as usual, his last thoughts of the day were of -

_Mafuyu_

Shit. Shit shit shit shit _shit!_

He hadn’t checked his phone in hours. It didn’t even occurred to him, _why?_ The signal had been bad and he had barely managed to text his sister but...they had been waiting for so long and he hadn’t even thought…Crap! Mafuyu must have been worried out of his mind, expecting his _I’m_ _home_ text ages ago.Careful of moving as little as possible, he reached for his phone.

Damn. There were all kinds of notifications from Mafuyu, especially as the hours had passed.

The first one was a smiley reply about him missing them as well and wishing he had joined in for the session and the meat fest. As the hours went on, Mafuyu’s texts had got more and more frantic, and in the end the missed calls had reached double digits.

He checked the time. The last one had been only ten minutes ago. 

Was it too late to call? Was he very mad at him?

He didn’t care. He had to caml down. He had to fix it.

Uenoyama pressed his number, and it didn’t even ring once before a heavily breathing Mafuyu was at the other end of the line. 

‘Mafuyu, hey, I’m so sorry, but I was –’

‘Are you ok? You didn’t take my calls, it’s so late, where are you? Uenoyama-kun…’

Mafuyu was panting. _Damn_.

‘Mafuyu, listen, I’m ok, I’m home, I’m in bed now. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.’

He could still hear the heavy breathing at the other side of the line, and for a while, there was nothing else.

‘Did...did you forget?’ came the question, barely a whisper. The unsaid _'me'_ broke his heart. 

‘No, of course not,’ he said softly. Well, it wasn’t a lie really. He hadn’t remembered, but not because he had forgotten.

‘You didn’t pick up. You didn’t answer my texts, no one did.’ His boyfriend’s voice was shaky.

‘They were with me, Mafuyu, there was bad reception in the hospital and –’

Uenoyama heard a gasp over the phone.

‘Hospital.’

 _Shit_. 

‘I’m doing this all wrong…Mafuyu, listen. I am fine, I swear. I just had a bad fall on Thursday and hurt my back. I didn’t think it was that bad and I didn’t want to worry anyone, that’s all. It got really bad after dinner, so they took me to the hospital to have it checked, you know how Haruki-san is. But I’m fine, I swear. I just need to rest and take the drugs and I’ll be better in a couple of days, that’s all. I’m so sorry I didn’t call you earlier, I’m so fucking sorry. I was just…it was all...’

Uenoyama stopped talking and listened. For a moment he was sure that Mafuyu wasn’t on the other side of the line anymore, and he panicked. But then he heard his boyfriend’s breathing.

‘Mafuyu? Are you there?’ 

Was he mad? Was he crying? He hated when he didn’t know what to expect. Mafuyu was so unpredictable. He loved him for that, but damn if it wasn’t a problem at times.

‘You’re ok.’

‘I am, Mafuyu, I swear. I called you as soon as I could have a proper look at the phone. I would never make you worry on purpose. I would never forget you.’ He felt his voice catching at the end. ‘You know that, don’t you?’

A soft sniff came from the other side. Shit.

‘Mafuyu please, don’t cry. I’m so sorry.’

‘Uenoyama-kun,’ Mafuyu caressed his name. ‘It’s ok. I’m just happy to hear you. I was just…you didn’t answer and you weren't happy with me yesterday and I…but you’re ok.’

Uenoyama had never felt such urgency to be somewhere else as he felt then. He honestly wasn’t sure which one of them needed the other the most. 

‘I know and I was wrong. But I’m ok, I promise. I would never leave you. Never.’ The knot in his throat was threatening to embarrass him beyond repair, but he didn’t care. Mafuyu didn’t reply, so he carried on, changing topic.

‘How are _you_ feeling? Is the fever gone?’

They spent the next few minutes talking about how Mafuyu’s fever had got worse that night, and how his mother had all but physically restrain him to not get dressed and run until he reached Uenoyama’s flat. He apologised over and over again, and didn’t even think of ending the conversation until he was sure that Mafuyu was sounding more like himself. 

‘We won’t see each other tomorrow then,’ his boyfriend said softly.

‘No, but hopefully I’ll be better by Monday, and I will see you then.’

Mafuyu was quiet at the other side.

‘I wish I could be with you, Uenoyama-kun.’

Uenoyama felt his heart quicken. 

‘Me too.’ And because he was feeling very tender and very in love, he ploughed on. ‘I missed you tonight, you know. We all did but I…yeah.’

‘I miss you, too, Uenoyama-kun. Please rest. Can I call you tomorrow?’

‘Only if you’re feeling well enough, ok? Your mum’s chicken soup sounds like magic. Keep drinking it.’

‘I’ll tell her you said that. Although she’s a fan of Uenoyama-kun already.’

‘Huh? What?’

Mafuyu giggled.

‘Goodnight, Uenoyama-kun. Sleep well. And sorry I was so worried.’

‘Shh, don't be silly. I'm the one who's sorry. We’ll talk tomorrow, Mafuyu. Goodnight.’

The day hadn’t gone as he had expected at all. But in that moment, with Mafuyu’s name still on his phone screen, all Uenoyama could feel was love. For his oddball of a boyfriend, for his friends, for his family. And for his very comfortable bed and the very fast-acting drugs.

So after making sure he had silenced all the bloody group chats containing mad friends getting up at ass o’clock, Uenoyama put his phone back on the nightstand and fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it seems that both Uenoyama and I were busy paying a visit to the hospital lately, hence the delay. Nothing too serious, feeling better already, but still heavily medicated, which might translate into nonsensical writing and even more OoC than usual. Apologies in advance! Will edit as I find etc etc. :) 
> 
> Hope everyone's well!


	6. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Uenoyama's Sunday went by in a haze made of sleep and weird dreams. 

Strictly forbidden to leave his bed unless he really, _really_ needed to use the toilet, Uenoyama finally got plenty of bedrest, closely supervised by both his mother and sister, or the Caring for the Idiot Committee, as they had branded themselves. As much as he was a bit annoyed by all the fuss, he had to admit that being pampered when one was unwell wasn’t all bad. He was also grateful that he had his family there for him. He thought of Mafuyu, feverish and almost fainting in his corridor – his boyfriend didn't always have that luxury.

Of course his thoughts went once again to Mafuyu. He had appeared in most of his hazy thoughts and all his dreams, and Uenoyama had been surprisingly fine with how ridiculous he was being.

They had texted throughout the day enough, given the circumstances. Uenoyama had let him know how he was getting on, promising that he was indeed staying in bed and being good at taking his medicines, with the Bedrest Police on his figurative back so he didn’t do anything stupid to his literal one again.

Mafuyu had texted back how happy he was to hear that, and that he was feeling a bit better too, only tired and sleepy. Uenoyama had almost replied that he was fully back to normal then, but held it, just in case. They hadn’t spoken yet, and he didn’t want to burst this…whatever _this_ was, what was going on between them, even in the distance. He truly hoped it wasn’t _because_ of it.

Because since the hospital scare and their talk the night before, they had been…Uenoyama didn’t know how to explain it really. _More in love than ever_ sounded corny and frankly embarrassing, but just about right to describe what he was feeling. He couldn’t speak for Mafuyu, but he was _aching_ to see him, to hold him, which was something he still hesitated to initiate. He was hoping that he wasn’t alone in his feelings, that he was reading Mafuyu’s signs right this time. For example, his boyfriend had started to include hearts and kisses here and there in his replies, adding little ‘miss yous’ if he knew that text was going to be the last one in a while. It was as if the events of the past two days had somehow brought them closer, at a time when they had been anything but. Being in love was a rollercoaster, and he knew he was only scraping the surface of the storm of feelings that was gonna be his life from now on.

They hadn’t spoken yet, though, being bloody unlucky with the timing of their calls. Uenoyama had spent a lot of the day sleeping, the painkillers doing their job brilliantly. And whenever he had felt his head clear enough for a chat, there had been silence on Mafuyu’s end, only for him to receive an apology a couple of hours later, which of course Uenoyama wouldn’t see until later, having fallen asleep again by then. 

Unfortunately, by the time Uenoyama had woken up from his afternoon nap, well into the evening, Mafuyu had already gone to bed. He had texted to let him know. Dammit, he would have liked to text back at least.

_I will call you tomorrow, Uenoyama-kun. Just rest as much as you need so you can come back soon too. Sleep well._

And then he had sent a little sticker, a sleeping heart, zzzz coming out of its half-opened mouth. It was really cute.

Uenoyama smiled into the darkness of his room and texted his goodnights anyway, hoping it wouldn’t disturb Mafuyu’s sleep.

*

‘You’ll be ok, right? I told mum that I’d make sure you can be trusted enough to be left alone. Otherwise I’ll have to stay in all day, and you can’t possibly imagine all the ways I will make you wish you had been less dumb.’

‘Oh I can imagine alright...what! You can’t throw things at me, I’m recovering!’ Uenoyama sent flying back the shoe that his sister had thrown at his vicinity.

‘Ok, I’ll trust you. You’re already much better, can sit on your own and all. Tablets are on your nightstand, two bottles of water and lunch and snacks in the bag by your bed. Call me if you need anything, I’ll come back from campus.’

‘No need, I’ll be fine. Really, I will! Just go already.’ Yayoi threw him a look that said clearly ‘ungrateful brat’. He wasn’t though. ‘hey, Yayoi…thank you. For, you know.’

‘Yes yes, I’m off. See ya.”

Uenoyama heard the door slam, and then…silence. Complete silence. It was odd, to be home alone once again after the last few days. He was feeling better, and hopefully he would be well enough to go back to school the next day.

Lifting his body carefully, he managed to get hold of his tablets and the water bottle. He’d be asleep within ten minutes, so he had to be quick with his messaging.

The first one was to his boyfriend, who had sent him his good morning text and had wished him more rest, promising to call as soon as school was finished. He replied he was feeling fine, wished a good day at school back, and then tried not to imagine what would happen at lunchtime, when Takeshi inevitably discovered he wasn’t there and... _Stop. I trust Mafuyu, and that he can take care of himself._ He repeated it a few times, just to make sure. 

The second one was to his friends group chat, letting them know he wouldn’t be in. He almost added something about keeping an eye on Takeshi in case he did something to Mafuyu, but there was no way that didn’t sound as suspicious at it was. He’d have to soldier his jealousy and his fears until he saw Mafuyu.

The third one was to the band group chat.

He fell asleep mid text.

*

It was just before noon when Uenoyama opened his eyes again. He felt energised and almost in no pain. To put his theory to test, he made a trip to the toilet successfully and pain-free, and was already wondering that maybe he could give a go at practising his riffs after he had had something to eat.

His phone chimed, bringing him back to reality, and to a stiffness that suggested that playing guitar might be a bit of a stretch.

When he picked his phone up, he had to make sure he wasn't seeing things. It was Mafuyu’s name on the screen.

Hmm. That was odd. He looked at the screen again, as if there was a chance all his daydreaming was making him see things now. Mafuyu was supposed to be in class, they didn’t have their lunch break until 12.20 that day. Was he ok? What if Takeshi-

_You awake?_

_Yeah just woke up five minutes ago. How are you on the phone? Is all ok?_

_Took it with me to the toilet. How are you feeling?_

Uenoyama couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face picturing Mafuyu, goodie-two-shoes Mafuyu, being sneaky because of _him_. 

_Don’t get in trouble, go back to your classroom! I’m feeling less sleepy today, I promise I’ll be awake so we’ll speak later_.

Mafuyu seemed to be typing lots, but nothing was coming through. Despite his feelings of closeness, he couldn’t help the pangs of worry. If after the past two days, Mafuyu went and told him _this_ wasn’t working, he–

_I could visit you. If you want._

YES I WANT, I VERY MUCH WANT, Uenoyama’s heart screamed, and nearly typed it, too.

_I thought you had work today?_

_I asked for a swap. They were ok with it_.

Uenoyama’s heart kept trying to type the most embarrassing things. It was hard not to when Mafuyu was saying things like that. 

_Of course, come any time. But only if you don’t feel too tired yourself._

_I’m fine. I want to see you, Uenoyama-kun. But if you need more time we can just talk on the phone, if you’d like that._

Time? What was he talking about now? What would he need time for?

_No no, it’s fine. I want to see you too. I’m on my own today, so you can come any time._

Once again, Mafuyu seemed to be typing and then rethinking.

_Ok. I will let you know when I’m close to getting there._

_Sure. See you soon_.

Right. He had been ok, he didn’t really need to be this nervous. Why was he this nervous now? It was only Mafuyu, his boyfriend, and he wanted to see him. He had actively repeated that a few times. He wasn’t going to dump him in his house while recovering, of course he wouldn’t…

Uenoyama repeated it like a mantra, but somehow it didn’t feel enough to stop his worries. Mafuyu was unpredictable and he was shit at feelings and subtle clues in people’s behaviours.

He needed time to fast forward so it could be the afternoon already. 

He also needed some moral support.

Scrolling through his group chats, he found the old Seasons one, the one Mafuyu had never joined. 

_Uenoyama: right, Mafuyu is coming to see me later. I’m ok but I don’t know what I want to tell him or what I should or shouldn’t tell him or…what if he’s breaking up with me? I’m not ok actually._

_Akihiko: glad to see you recovered and back to your idiot self, Uesama._

_Haruki: oh hi Ue! Feeling better then? Sorry but I’m with Akihiko on this one._

_Uenoyama: huh!?_

_Haruki: why are you even panicking? Didn’t you say you had been quite lovey-dovey these days? You need to remember what brought you two together and trust it’s good enough. IT IS GOOD ENOUGH, UE, so don’t even finish typing that_

He didn't.

_Akihiko: you made Haru use capitals, I hope you’re proud of yourself_

_Uenoyama: Fine, ok sorry. I’m a bit nervous. I don’t want to fuck up_

_Akihiko: then don’t_

_Haruki: you’ll be fine Uecchi. You got this. Just be honest. And sorry for the caps_

_Akihiko: you’re too cute, you know that?_

_Haruki: shut up_

_Uenoyama: right_

_Akihiko: and if you need to call us in tears later, don’t be embarrassed and do it_

_Akihiko: call Haru first though, he’s better at this shit_

_Haruki: why are you saying those things you idiot?? Ue, don’t listen to him, it’s gonna be ok and you won’t have to call anyone in tears, you hear me?_

Uenoyama felt a bit better after that. It was so stupid, feeling this nervous. It was Mafuyu, his boyfriend, who had been texting him hearts and kisses for the past two days. They had been dating for a couple of months now…Suddenly that didn’t sound very reassuring – two months wasn’t that long, especially when compared to years of –

His phone chimed again, saving him from a particularly unpleasant path. 

_There in ten minutes._

Uenoyama read the text a couple more times. What did he mean _‘there in ten minutes'?_

He checked the time. 12:40pm. Did Mafuyu think that he’d have time for a quick visit before the afternoon lessons? Uenoyama lived within walking distance from their school, but…it didn’t make sense. They had talked about the afternoon, and he had obviously thought he meant _after_ school. He didn’t understand.

He also could ask Mafuyu himself, instead of juggling theories in his head, he realised.

_Will you be back in time for the afternoon lessons though?_

_I’ll be fine. How do I get in? I don’t want you to get up to open the door._

Uenoyama told him about the spare key he could find hidden in the plant outside his door, but didn’t get any further information about Mafuyu’s plans.

Oh well. If Mafuyu preferred a short visit now, it was better than nothing. Perhaps he was really eager to see him and decided he wouldn’t wait until the afternoon, a suspicious optimistic voice whispered, not unlike Haruki-san’s.

Five minutes later, which he had employed in checking his hair and in making sure he didn’t look -or smell - horribly sick and repelling, Uenoyama heard the fumbling of a key, followed the door opening and closing, and then soft steps coming in. 

He took a big breath. 

‘Uenoyama-kun?’

How he had missed that. 

‘In my room!’ he shouted back.

And then there he was, a shock of ginger hair on top of a floating head peeking inside through a half-opened door, as if he was making sure that was indeed where Uenoyama was.

‘Hey,’ he said shyly, unable to take his eyes from him.

‘Uenoyama-kun,’ Mafuyu repeated, and to his delight, he seemed to be as entranced as he was.

Mafuyu closed the door behind him, and slowly approached his bedside. He was holding a bag, which he raised in front of him.

‘I brought you some stuff. I didn’t know if you had eaten already, but the canteen was selling those chicken sandwiches you like today.’

Uenoyama smiled.

‘Ah, good! I haven’t had lunch yet, no. They left me some snacks here, but nothing _that_ good. Thank you so much, Mafuyu.’

‘Hmm. Are you hungry? You should eat it now that it’s warm and juicy. It won’t taste as good when it’s cold.’

Uenoyama looked how his boyfriend carefully took the wrapped sandwich from the bag, trying to find somewhere to place it. He pointed at the tray beside the nightstand, which Mafuyu retrieved and prepared in front of him. He hadn’t been that hungry in days, the delicious smell adding to the high that Mafuyu’s thoughtfulness was giving him.

He saw him reach for his school bag next.

‘Mum also gave me some soup for you,’ he said, taking a nice plastic bowl out of it. ‘We can reheat it later. It should go in the fridge now, it’s been out long enough already.’

By the time Mafuyu came back from the kitchen, Uenoyama had unwrapped his sandwich, and was biting into it with the enthusiasm of the starving beast he really wasn’t. But it was so good that he nearly rolled his eyes.

‘Mmm... Mafuyu this is delicious, seriously, thank you for remembering,’ he said between mouthfuls. ‘You can sit down, you know. There’s the chair there, or you can sit on the bed, if you want. Although you might have to be going soon,’ he said, glancing at the clock. ‘You hate being late.’

Mafuyu walked over his desk to take the chair, and then placed it as close to the bed as possible.

‘I’m…I don’t need to rush back.’

‘Huh? Have they cancelled fifth period?’

It was then when Uenoyama noticed Mafuyu’s cheeks reddening, and how he wasn’t meeting his eye. Instead, he was looking down guiltily into his lap, where his hands lay entwined.

‘I will catch up tomorrow.’

Uenoyama paused mid-bite, unable to stop staring.

Mafuyu Sato was many things, but none of those things included skipping lessons. Hell, he would get all nervous and unsettled if the bell rang and they weren’t immediately up on their feet ready to head for class. And not only class, Mafuyu was excruciatingly punctual regardless where he needed to be. Uenoyama still remembered how annoyed he got with him that one day, early in their acquaintance, when he had prepared his speech to convince him to join the band, only to be left hanging because the bell had rung and he had class duties.

And yet here he was today, sitting in front of Uenoyama, skipping entire lessons because he wanted to be there instead.

Uenoyama didn’t know what to think. This was…something. This was big, coming from Mafuyu. 

His nerves returned in hordes at the realisation. 

‘Mafuyu, I…you don’t need to, you know,’ he said softly, as his boyfriend looked truly mortified. ‘If you think you need to go, you can always come visit me later. I'm fine as you see, I’m not going anywhere I think,’ he tried to lighten the mood, ‘and my family will still be out. We’ll have some peace before they come back.’

Mafuyu shook his head, and finally met his eyes. 

‘It’s ok. I want to be here.’

There was some small talk after that, while he finished his sandwich, Mafuyu accepting one of Uenoyama’s sweet snacks, and because he was like a child when sweets were involved, a second one followed. Itaya and Ueki had asked Mafuyu to pass their best wishes for his recovery and hoped to see him soon. Odd, Uenoyama thought, as they had been in touch all the time in the group chat.

Mafuyu also told him how he had been the only person in his class to get a math equation right. He seemed so happy to share the news with him, and Uenoyama was almost embarrassed by how stupidly adorable he found him - bashful because he had done well and wanted to share it with him, and worried that perhaps it was a silly thing to be so happy about, or to share. Uenoyama made sure to show his excitement, and to reassure him that yes, he had reasons to be proud of himself, and he was too. Seeing Mafuyu blushing full of gratitude for such a little thing did not so little things to his heart. 

Soon their improvised lunch was over, and without the distractions and the light talk, they found themselves silent, waiting perhaps for the other to initiate… _something_.

Uenoyama was about to start asking how he was feeling, when Mafuyu beat him to it.

‘Were you in a lot of pain?’ he asked softly.

‘It got bad on Saturday, at the restaurant, that’s why they took me to hospital. I couldn’t stand straight and…but nah, it wasn’t that bad afterwards. Nothing’s broken, just a bit stiff and swollen. I was thinking of coming back to school tomorrow, you know.’

Mafuyu nodded silently. Even though he was largely still a mystery to him in so many ways, Uenoyama realised that he did know him a lot better now. Right then, for example, he understood that his boyfriend wasn’t trying to avoid a conversation, but rather thinking hard to find what he thought were _the right words_ , gathering them together so he could finally voice them.

He also knew that once he did, Mafuyu wouldn’t beat round the bush.

‘Uenoyama-kun…are you still angry with me?’

‘What?’

‘On Friday. You were angry with me.’

He looked away for a heartbeat, then nodded.

‘I didn’t…’ Mafuyu was looking at him, and Uenoyama sighed. This was it. This was his chance to be honest, to fix things. He had to trust it would be ok.

‘I was a bit, you know. Not anymore, of course not. Mafuyu, look, I –’

‘Because I went with Takeshi-kun at lunchtime.’ It wasn’t a question.

‘Yeah.’

Mafuyu didn’t reply, and Uenoyama, nervous as he was, opened his mouth and hoped for the best.

‘It wasn’t just that, you know…look, I’m not angry with you Mafuyu, I promise, I’ve had so much time to think and cool down. But…yeah, I wasn’t happy. I’ve been trying to tell you for _weeks_. You kept joking about my jealousy and…and hell, _of course_ part of it was jealousy! This shithead was trying to get into my boyfriend’s pants and taunting me about it when you weren’t looking and I coud do nothing about it. He – he knows I have feelings for you, and he’s been making sure I get jealous enough.’

Mafuyu kept his head down.

‘Mafuyu…look at me. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to –’

‘I wanted to talk.’

‘Huh? We _are_ talking.’

’With Takeshi-kun. I wanted to talk to him, so I said yes at lunchtime. On Friday.’

Uenoyama blinked stupidly. What was he talking about?

‘I – it didn’t feel right, what he was doing. I told him I didn’t really want to play football anymore. And then I asked him why he was trying so hard to be my friend. Why he was waiting for me after class and for lunchtime. Why he was so rude to you, to my friends. You were right.’

‘What do you m–’

‘About Takeshi-kun. You were right. He…he confessed.’

Oh. Uenoyama definitely had _not_ seen that coming. He felt his stomach clench with a mix of hatred and fear. But this was important, he needed to calm down. He needed to listen.

‘He told me…he said he knew about my boyfriend in middle school and what happened to him. He said we could have so much fun together, that surely I missed that. He also said…things about you. That you were in love with me, like a lovesick puppy following me everywhere. And he laughed. As if your feelings were a joke. As if I would ever choose you.’

Uenoyama looked away. It was too much. He thought he’d feel angry about it, and he was angry alright. He hadn't expected the shame of feeling so _exposed_ , so vulnerable, because it was true. The bastard had nailed it, had seen it for what it was. He had never thought one could feel on the verge of tears out of embarrassment, but then he had been learning a lot about himself since Mafuyu had come into his life and turned it upside down.

‘He tried to kiss me,’ Mafuyu added, his voice small. 

At that, Uenoyama’s head snapped up, a hand reaching desperately for Mafuyu’s leg, hand, _anything_. 

‘Did he do something to you too?! Mafuyu, tell me! If he touched you I _swear_ I’m going to –’

‘Uenoyama-kun, your back!’ Mafuyu said alarmed, getting off the chair and coming to sit close to him on the bed. He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. ‘I’m ok. He didn’t like it but he didn't hurt me. He got angry and called you…names. He said that of course you would run crying to me after a little tumble. I didn’t know what he meant then.’ Mafuyu looked down again, his voice no more than a whisper now. ‘He hurt you.’

Uenoyama didn’t know which one of the twelve emotions he was feeling was stronger. Was it relief, because Mafuyu had wanted to cut things with that asshole without him asking? Rage? Despair? Heartache, because of how small and sad Mafuyu looked? Guilt, because he hadn’t been there for him when he had needed him the most? A fucking rollercoaster, indeed.

_That’s what being in a relationship means. You talk to each other, you listen to each other, you’re honest with each other. You fix things._

He needed to do this. Without being fully conscious of it, his hand found Mafuyu’s on the duvet. 

‘I…I was going to tell you, all of it. On Friday, I was going to, Mafuyu, I swear. But then he came looking for you and, and you said _yes_ and went with him. I didn’t know why or what for, I just knew what I knew, and I had to see you walk away with him after he–’

‘Uenoyama-kun…’

‘Look, I didn’t want to be…I can’t do anything if people like you and want to be your friends. I don't like it, when they take you away but…I don’t want to control who you see or who you’re friends with, Mafuyu. I promise I don’t. I can’t be that boyfriend. I don’t _want_ to be that boyfriend. But this guy is bad news and you didn’t seem to notice, or maybe you did but you didn't mind because you liked him and I…I don’t know.’

Uenoyama took a deep breath. The words were coming so easily to him that he didn’t understand how he had struggled so much with the idea of being honest with Mafuyu.

Mafuyu who was now staring at him, seemingly hanging onto every word that was coming out of his mouth. 

‘I was so _tempted_ to tell him, Mafuyu. To tell him that yes, that _of course_ I look lovesick around you. How else am I supposed to look when I —’ his voice caught at the last moment, but he tried again, softer. ‘I wanted to tell him so badly. But we promised, and even if we hadn’t, I couldn’t just tell him something like that about you, it’s not my place to say things like that. And he was getting so close to you, like we did a few months ago. I’m not blind, you know. I can see he’s confident and…handsome and gets what he wants. And just my luck _of course_ he had to look like—’

 _Shit_.

Uenoyama bit his tongue. He’d come so close to blurt out the one thing that he didn’t want out. He should have known it didn’t matter if he did or didn’t finish the thought. His boyfriend was quiet, and perhaps because of it, he was unnervingly good at understanding others’ silences.

‘Like Yuki,’ Mafuyu finished for him. ‘Takeshi-kun looks like Yuki. But you know that.’

Yeah. Mafuyu could read people and silences well.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I told you not to snoop.’

‘I didn’t mean to! And it wasn’t snooping. I was just looking around, I wanted…it was stupid, really. It’s just that I was there in your room again and it was…it was like getting to know a bit more of you, you know? I wasn’t expecting… I didn’t _mean_ to find…’ Uenoyama couldn’t bring himself to say it. And no matter how he wanted to dress it, the fact was that he _had_ looked around when he had been asked not to, and that was a breach of trust, no matter what his intentions had been. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You left.’

Uenoyama nodded.

‘I had to.’

Mafuyu looked away, his silence suffocating. But he didn’t move the hand that was holding his. 

‘I’ve been talking to mum. About you,’ he said unexpectedly. 

Uenoyama looked at him then, confused. He was used to Mafuyu’s unexpected twists and turns, or at least was getting better at not being totally thrown by them. He knew that Mafuyu never spoke until he was sure of what he wanted to say. He just had to be patient.

‘She likes you, you know,’ he continued as if there was no reason for Uenoyama not to be following. ‘That bowl, it's not leftovers. She made more for you, so I could bring it today.’

Uenoyama wasn't expecting that at all. 

‘It’s...it's so kind of her. Please thank her for me.’

Mafuyu nodded.

‘Mum worries, a lot. She worries about money, about my dad, about her job…but most of all, she worries she’s not a good mum, because she always had to work long hours to earn enough money. She was happy that I had Yuki next door growing up, as we were together when our mums weren’t there. I…used to follow him. Always, wherever he wanted to take us. Mum has been terrified that one day I'm going to follow him on this too.’

Uenoyama held his breath, his hands gripping Mafuyu's, perhaps to make sure he couldn't follow. 

‘On Friday, she decided she wouldn’t work on Saturday so she could stay home to look after me. We talked a lot, it had been a while. She wanted me to tell her all about you. Because she thinks that…that meeting you has changed me. And not only the _me_ that was left behind when Yuki died, but, I don’t know, before too. She said you’ve helped me find not just my voice, but myself.’

Uenoyama felt the taletelling sting at the back of his eyes. His feelings had been a mess for weeks, his confidence shaken. While all this time Mafuyu’s mum thought…It was too much.

‘Uenoyama-kun,’ Mafuyu said, and then intertwined his fingers with his. ‘Takeshi-kun looks like Yuki, but he isn’t Yuki. And neither are you.’

Head hung, Uenoyama nodded. 

‘Do you think I don’t know that?’ he finally managed through the tightness in his throat, his voice small and unsteady.

‘I don’t want you to be!’ the sudden outburst took him by surprise, but when he looked at Mafuyu, it was him who looked shocked, even more than he was. ‘I… I don’t always know what I’m feeling. Sometimes I think I’m stuck and that’s how it will always be, no matter how much time passes, or what I do. Yuki…he left me, he left everyone, and I miss him, so much that at times it feels like I’ll never be happy again. And I hurt you when I'm like that... But then, as if you could sense it, you will send me a funny text, or we’ll meet on the stairs and play together, or go for dinner after practice with the others. You pull me back from my dark places, from the past, but you never _make_ me follow you, and maybe that's why I do it anyway. I choose to.'

Mafuyu paused, his eyes on the place their intertwined hands were resting. 

‘There will never be another Yuki. But no one can ever be Uenoyama-kun either.’ Mafuyu twisted his neck until he found Uenoyama’s cast down eyes. ‘And I want it like that. I want _him_ like that. He’s the kindest, and the coolest, I’ve told him before, but I don’t think he believes me.’ Mafuyu’s voice became a whisper. ‘But that is all my fault.’

He should be more embarrassed, unable to hold his tears in front of Mafuyu, Uenoyama thought. His second thought was that Mafuyu’s hands were _really_ warm in his. And soft. Very soft. He had started caressing back at some point and didn’t seem to be able to stop.

Mafuyu wasn’t done surprising him, though.

‘Uenoyama-kun, I…can I hold you?’

Uenoyama’s arms were open before he could consciously give them the order, and then they were full of Mafuyu. He winced, his back unhappy with the extra sudden pressure, but he paid it no mind – the last thing he needed was Mafuyu apologising and not being in his arms anymore. 

‘It’s ok…’ he managed to whisper into Mafuyu’s neck. ‘It’s ok.’

‘Don’t be angry with me. Please.’

‘I’m not, I swear I’m not’ he managed through his own tight throat, his hands clutching Mafuyu’s back, caressing his hair. How could he be after…after _everything_? He decided that communication felt really, _really_ good after all. ‘But we really need to get better at talking to each to each other, Mafuyu. If only so everyone can shut up about it.’

He felt Mafuyu relax his grip a little, just enough so he could look at him in the eye.

‘I will do better. I’ll talk more about– about things. I promise. And I will take care of you.’

Uenoyama was going to reply with a promise of his own, the same one really, and to never again drive himself into a panic attack with his spiralling thoughts and insecurities. Because he didn’t need to be anyone else. Mafuyu wanted him to be him.

He couldn’t say anything, though, for Mafuyu’s lips were suddenly in the way. Sweetly, shyly at first, and after a few moments, deeper, a desperate tint to them. As if he also needed the reassurance that yes, they were there, and they were going to be ok and they were _together_. That they had a lot of work to do, but they could do it hand in hand. Or lips on lips it seemed. Uenoyama could only hope that this new intimacy that had seemed to bloom out of this ugly mess would become the new normal between them. 

Their kisses slowed down, both soaking in their new closeness. His foreheads together, hands up and down arms, backs, hair.

Mafuyu was the first one to break their silent, blissful connection.

‘We’ve never held each other like this.’

Uenoyama looked at him, unsure whether he should give voice to his answer.

‘I've wanted to. But I didn’t know if it was allowed.’

Uenoyama regretted is newly found honesty immediately. Mafuyu looked like he had been slapped. But then he nodded.

‘I haven’t been a very good boyfriend to you if that’s how I've made you feel.’

‘Come on, don’t say that,’ he defended immediately. It wasn’t only Mafuyu’s fault after all. ‘I’m just insecure and tend to get trapped in my head sometimes. I've never done this before. And, you know. There’s…the stuff you have. I didn’t want to push you.’ _Because I can’t deal with your rejection_.

‘Always.’

‘Huh?’

Mafuyu smiled at his confusion. ‘You never have to wonder if you’re welcome, Uenoyama-kun. You are. Always.’

And as if to prove the seriousness of his statement, Mafuyu wrapped his arms around his neck, closing any distance they had inexplicably put between them.

Uenoyama was getting quite annoyed at how much he had to keep his eyes from overflowing. _Breathe in, it's fine,_ he reminded himself, only for his nostrils to fill with the smell of Mafuyu’s shampoo. He remembered how one afternoon he had asked Mafuyu about it, only to find him surprisingly reluctant to tell him, saying he was going to make fun of him. He did a bit, that was true, but then he wasn’t expecting Mafuyu to shyly confess it was a children’s brand, the same his mum used to buy him as a child, and he didn’t want to change it.

Unable to stop himself, his lips began giving little pecks to the side of his head, as he pulled him tighter to him. He would never let go, not unless Mafuyu asked him to. God he was such a sap.

Uenoyama didn’t know for how long they stayed like that, just enjoying each other’s embrace. Was it actually happening? It was too good to be true, wasn’t it? It felt real alright, but then he had been taking so much medication for the past few days. His head was floating somewhere in cloud number nine when a sudden thought put a stop to his bliss.

‘Shit,’ he said elegantly, startling Mafuyu, who seemed to had almost fallen asleep on him. ‘He’s going to tell everyone now. If we spend all our time together…shit, he’s going to ruin everything, he’s going to tell on us, he’s—’

‘Uenoyama-kun’ Mafuyu stopped him placing a finger on his lips, which he kissed without thinking. ‘They already talk. About me. Some people know what happened last year, and now I’m always with you at school. I thought that if I hung with other people too, I don’t know. Maybe they wouldn’t talk about you.’

The thought of anyone gossiping or harassing the gentle soul that was the boy in his arms made his blood boil inside, an almost physical burn in his heart. 

He had made a promise, but some lines were too important to let them be crossed.

‘I don’t give a shit about what anyone says about me, and I’m not ashamed of you, or myself. It’s not that, and I _hate_ it, I hate it so much, that I can’t be openly _with_ you.’

‘We promised Haruki-san...’

‘Yes, and we’re honouring that promise. We’re not being obvious or reckless, we’re mindful of our surroundings and who could see us. But I hate it so much. What I will not do, Takeshi or not, promise or not, is not to spend time with you because what others might think. Do you understand? It’ll be fine. We’ll think of something.’

Mafuyu was so close he could see tears starting to form in his eyes. 

‘Then I’m not worried about him. The only thing I was scared of was of…that you didn’t want me anymore. That you had realised I was too much to be worth the trouble.That I had pushed you away and...’

Uenoyama was taken aback. Did Mafuyu really not know, how gone he was? How much he felt?

Then something else hit him. Uenoyama had never really confessed to Mafuyu. He had kissed him, yes, but a spur of the moment, and afterwards he had been too embarrassed to bring it up again. It was Mafuyu who had been brave enough to take him to a special place to confess his feelings, who had asked if perhaps Uenoyama wanted to be with him, to be his boyfriend. And yet, somehow, hearing about his fear of losing _him_ took him by surprise.

Haruki-san and Kaji-san had been right about that. He had managed to convince himself that he was the only one with feelings and invested in this new, budding thing they had. But then again, he was an idiot, they had been right about that too. Perhaps Mafuyu wasn’t the only one with issues that needed some work on. 

And perhaps that was ok, because they were there for each other, whenever they needed some help, some reminder. But they had to talk, just like they had done today - talking, listening, healing.

He pulled him back into his arms, burying his nose in the crook of his neck.

‘Don’t you know already, you dumbass?’ he whispered fiercely into his ear. ‘Don’t you _ever_ think you're not worth _everything_. How could I ever push you away, when I…when you mean so much, Mafuyu. So _much_.' He felt Mafuyu’s hand hold the back of his top tighter. ‘So don’t get any ideas, you understand? You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.’

Wait. That wasn’t too pushy and possessive, was it? He moved back, looking seriously into his boyfriend’s eyes. ‘I mean, if you _really_ didn’t want me around of course then I wouldn’t forc–’

A gentle thumb over his lips silenced him, Mafuyu's hand cupping his cheek. 

‘Stop talking, Uenoyama-kun. I want you around. I want you around very much. For a long time.’

‘I need you to be sure, Mafuyu, because I can’t–’

Mafuyu’s lips were once again on his. He was bloody effective, doing that.

‘I am sure, Uenoyama-kun. Are you?’

It was his turn to kiss Mafuyu’s silly thoughts away. Just to prove himself that he really could, but mostly because his eyes were filling up _again_ and he needed a bit of time to compose himself.

Once he felt more in control of his emotions, he gave him a light peck on the lips and looked at him. God he was _beautiful_. He knew he was smiling like the lovesick puppy he had been accused of being, but in that moment he couldn’t care less.

However, the last vestiges of the Ugly must have been seeping through his smile, threatening the beautiful moment he so had needed. Mafuyu noticed immediately. 

‘What is it, Uenoyama-kun.’

Could he give voice to the last of his fears? Were they ok enough for this?

‘You can tell me.’ Mafuyu encouraged, reading him exceptionally well once again.

Well. He was about to find out.

‘I just thought, what if…Takeshi is a disgusting piece of shit, but what if he’d been nice? What if he had genuinely wanted to be close to you because he liked you? I mean, you…you are _you_ , Mafuyu. What if someone else appears, someone nice, someone you admire somehow, a cool guy who reminds you of….or not really, but…and wants you?’

Mafuyu looked puzzled.

‘But I am with you.’

‘Yeah and I’m an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s doing most of the time.’

‘Uenoyama-kun...’

‘And I get so snappy at you sometimes, especially during practice, when all I’m trying to do is to hide how much I –’

‘Uenoyama-k –’

‘You could meet someone in the corridors, someone who genuine likes you, a fan, or in class, or at work! I’m...you know. I just…’

‘Ritsuka’

Well. _That_ made him pause. Mafuyu placed his hands on either side of his face, very gently.

‘It’s you. I want _you_. Only you.’

It was too much. Unable to control himself any longer, he let a half sob made his way out. He covered his mouth, trying to stifle it. And then it was Mafuyu who was holding him, his beautiful voice whispering impossible things in his ear – how much he felt too, how happy he made him, how underserving he felt, of feeling this happy so soon after…after everything.

Uenoyama found Mafuyu’s mouth once again -it was gonna be so hard not to do this in public from now on, now that he knew how welcome he was to do it- relishing the feeling of Mafuyu’s body against his, of feeling so close to him after so many days of ugly feelings and drifting apart. He made Mafuyu _happy_. His heart was going to burst.

‘Are you done saying silly things?’ Mafuyu asked after they had collected themselves.

Uenoyama chuckled. Trust Mafuyu to give him a full confession, _again_ , and then ask him to cut the crap in the same minute.

‘Mm. We’ll see about that.’ And because he could, he pecked him on the lips again. ‘Are you done with that idiot then?’

Mafuyu nodded.

‘There was nothing to be done with, Ritsuka. I promise.’

A shy smile appeared on his face.

‘I love it, you know.’

‘Huh?’

‘My name, coming from you. You’ve always said my name in a different way. I love it in your voice.’

He blushed. But apparently he was now brave -or silly- enough to say cheesy things like that.

‘Am I allowed then? To call you Ritsuka?’

Mafuyu’s grin carried a little bit of mischief in it, and it was the most beautiful thing Uenoyama had ever seen. 

‘Always’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gave me more pain than my actual pains, and I had no painkillers for that... 
> 
> Turns out that once they started talking, they had SO MUCH to say, these two, to the point that I had to cut and edit and rearrange entire paragraphs for it to make sense. I was going to let them, but it was turning into an entire different ficlet of its own. Perhaps that's what they need? I'll see what I can do for them. 
> 
> I didn't want to post anything until it made sense in my medicated brain. Hope it does to all of you normal folk out there! 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, and for your get well wishes! Both Uenoyama and I seem to be on the mend, so the last chapters shouldn't take that long. :) x


	7. Interlude

It turned out that Uenoyama had been more than a little optimistic when he had told Mafuyu he’d be back in school the next day.

Empowered by the blissful afternoon they had spent together -which to his utter amazement had included Mafuyu joining him on top of the covers and falling asleep on his chest almost before his head had touched it- Uenoyama had left the bed and got up to accompany him to the door. It had felt so good to be back on his feet without wincing, that he had decided to stay up a bit longer. He had waited for his family to come back home, casually watching TV on the sofa, in a calculated effort to show how improved and how ready he was to go back to school the next day.

It hadn’t quite worked out. His mother had put all her professional cunning to work, asking him to move around a few times to do little tasks here and there. By the third attempt, Uenoyama had seen not only her real intentions, but also stars. Unable to disguise the sudden pains as something else, that had been the end of his plans.

It hadn’t been all that bad, though, staying at home. On one hand, his mother had praised his brave attempts, and had finally acknowledged that he _was_ better, and she would give school a green light if he behaved for a couple more days. 

On the other hand, Uenoyama had relaxed considerably after his talk with Mafuyu, which in turn had allowed him to fully enjoy being signed off school. He spent Tuesday and most of his Wednesday sleeping, eating, snacking, listening to a couple of new CDs he had ordered, and daydreaming about Mafuyu in between texting Mafuyu.

He was so pathetic, there was no other way to see it. But where those feelings had been tinted with anger, insecurity and fear before, he had now fully surrendered to them, with a small smile on his face he had been unable to fight. Unwilling, too. 

He had texted Mafuyu the bad news, that he wouldn’t be able to see him in school the next day. His boyfriend had replied that he agreed with his mum and sister and he had to rest. Unfortunately, he had to work Tuesday evening and go to band practice on Wednesday, but he promised he would visit on Thursday again if he wasn’t back in school by then. 

It had been hard, keeping himself from showing Mafuyu how anxious he was about the asshole while he couldn’t be with him to protect him. He did ask Mafuyu if ‘everything had been ok’. Mafuyu had promised that nothing bad had happened, that he only had seen him briefly in the canteen, but he was with Ueki and Itaya, who had been glaring at him the entire time, and that had been it.

He had read that with a smile on his face. Mafuyu would never know that Uenoyama had known about the canteen encounter _before_ he had told him. He’d got a text from Itaya not long after it happened.

 _Yo, all good here. The rat was in the canteen when we arrived there. He looked at M but didn’t attempt anything, nothing to worry about. We were there with him the entire time and threw daggers at the asshole, not literal ones sadly. Mafuyu was ok but you should have seen him man! Did you know he had this icy glare in him? It was quite scary! Probably you do know actually, but whoa, it was amazing!_

Uenoyama felt a wave of…of something, for all three of them. Itaya and Ueki, especially Itaya, had been the closest to best friends his antisocial self had ever had. They were very different, but they respected Uenoyama’s moods and alone time, and they always, always had each other’s backs. The fact that they had welcomed Mafuyu without questions and more or less without much grilling about why he was spending so much time with the odd boy in Class 9 was proof of it.

And Mafuyu…he felt so damned proud of him. And on this occasion even more. He was also stupidly giddy about the fact that Mafuyu _had_ told him. He had suspected that his boyfriend might downplay things to avoid worrying him, at least while he was recovering. But he hadn’t. He had been straightforward and told him the truth and he hadn’t talked to him or been intimidated. He was amazing. Mafuyu was amazing and he wanted him _so much_. 

He really needed to stop.

It never occurred to him, not until much later on, that he had never asked his friends to keep an eye on Mafuyu, or to protect him from Takeshi. The giddy feelings for his friends returned, but this time they brought along the suspicion that, perhaps, they had been more discreet than oblivious.

*

On Wednesday morning, Uenoyama woke up feeling much better.

After a quick trip to the toilet, he decided to test his back and walk to the living room, where he could hear his sister talking to someone on the phone.

His body was tight and his muscles unused to the movements after the time spent in bed, but there was no back pain. He had been allowed to walk about for a while, so he ignored Yayoi’s pointed look and cocked eyebrow.

‘Yeah, I can meet you later then. That’s fine. Need to go now, my idiot brother is up and he’s probably about to reinjure himself. Yeah see you.’

‘Good morning to you too. Who was that anyway?’

‘Take-kun says hi and hopes you’re feeling better soon.’

‘Huh? Take-kun? Why are you talking to Take-kun on the phone?’

‘That’s what phones are for, thought you’d figured that one out. I mean, you have one yourself.’

‘No, what? I mean, I didn’t know you were friends?’

Yayoi tapped her phone waving her hand in dismissal. ‘I know him from college and from that asshole drummer of yours. We were chatting on the day of the live show, when all of you blanked me and left me alone in there.’

Uenoyama didn’t reply immediately. That night had been so intense for him, with the broken string and the missing lyrics and Mafuyu’s song and the kiss...he hadn’t realised how truly bad that night had turned out for his sister, who had been operating under the impression that she was dating Kaji-san when he had been…he didn’t even know.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said in the end, walking towards the sofa, where his sister was still tapping away at her phone, but moved her legs to make space for him nonetheless.

‘It wasn’t your fault, was it. I just felt so stupid, that’s all.’

‘He is the stupid one, not you. I’m sorry, I didn’t even know you w–’

His sister finally looked up, looked at him, for a few seconds.

‘Don’t, I _was_ stupid. It’s not that I couldn’t see he wasn’t really into whatever I was trying to push forward. Should have let go the first time around, when he _jokingly_ rejected me.’

Uenoyama didn’t know what to say. It had been a long time since he and Yayoi had confided in each other about important things, or _feelings_.

‘His loss. He’s too good for you anyway.’

Yaoi lifted and eyebrow.

‘What? I mean it!’

‘You are a gig away from bleaching your hair and start piercing.’

Uenoyama found himself laughing at the image, his sister following him with a giggle.

‘I know…he’s my senpai, and if not for him I would still be pi–’ he caught himself before revealing too much. ‘I want to be like him in many ways, but this is not one of them,’ he finished seriously, patting his sister’s leg, who had ended up on his lap.

He looked at his sister with a smile still on his face, but Yayoi wasn’t smiling back. Her eyes were somewhere beyond the walls of the room, and they were brighter than usual.

‘Your hair looks amazing, by the way,’ he added, because it was true, and because he hadn’t forgotten what prompted the change.

Her eyes were back on his, finally the hint of a smile too.

‘Damn right it does.’

She then moved her socked feet to pet his hair, or kick him in the head, he wasn’t sure.

‘You were going to say ‘pining’, weren’t you.’

Uenoyama wasn’t sure what he wanted to reply to that.

‘You’re not exactly subtle, you know. Anyone who knows you a bit could probably tell. And leaving the stage like that? It’s not like you.’

It was his turn to look down onto his lap. His sister socks were fluffy and had bunny ears on the sides. They looked really cozy, and the perfect hideaway for his traitorous eyes.

‘You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to say, Rikka. I just…I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting it. Is this why you never had a girlfriend before?’

Uenoyama thought about it for a couple of moments.

‘Not really. I don’t think so, I don’t know. Never fancied anyone either way.’

‘Not even our old neighbour? You could barely talk to her, your face so red we could almost see steam coming out of it.’

Uenoyama smiled fondly at the embarrassing memory.

‘Yeah, it was so embarrassing. Ok maybe I did have a crush on her. But then I was _six_ , I’m not sure it qualifies for the same league.’

Yayoi chuckled. ‘No. Guess it doesn’t.’

Uenoyama looked at her, something bubbling inside his throat, pushing to get out of his chest.

‘Is it…does it disgust you?’ he finally said, his eyes focused on his sister’s socks. ‘The idea of –’ and that was as far as he found himself able to go.

‘You mean you’d be totally cool with imagining what Akihiko and I got up to? Because quite frankly the guy might be a total asshole but –’

‘Agghh stop it! You know what I mean! Geez Yayoi…’ he said, covering his ears in an attempt to unhear the unsaid.

‘Of course I know what you mean,’ his sister said, and didn’t carry on immediately. ‘It’s… _weird_. I never thought you of all people –’ she stopped herself. ‘But I…if I think about it, _really_ think about it, it would be as weird to see you with a girlfriend. I guess I’m used to my baby brother being his sulky, antisocial self in a committed relationship with a Telecaster. I’m not sure I was ever gonna be ready to share him with another girl, to be honest. So it might be better this way.’ ’

Uenoyama felt his throat tighten, but managed a nod, his fingers toying with one of those silly bunny ears.

‘Just be careful, Rikka. He looks…like hard work. And he’s your first. First loves are brutal, even easy ones.’

‘He’s a good person, Yayoi. I swear, he’s so good, he would never hurt me on purpose.'

‘Unintentional hurt still hurts.’

 _Yeah_ , he thought. _It truly does_. He had learnt that lesson first hand, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

‘I know. He just…he’s got a lot to deal with. But he’s trying, he really is.’ 

When he looked up to meet his sister’s eyes, she was studying him, her expression serious.

‘I don’t know what he’s dealing with, that’s your business, and his. But don’t think for a moment that I won’t be ready to shred him to pieces if ever dares to hurt you. I’m not you.’

‘And don’t think for a moment I won’t make a fool out of myself and defend him.’

Yayoi laughed.

‘I know. And it’s cute, how you think you could ever stop me. But fair enough, you have to try, I guess.’

The two Uenoyamas looked at each other, understanding, for the first time in perhaps ever, how much the other truly had their back. 

Yayoi’s phone rang then, breaking the moment. 

‘What…yeah I’m on my way, was getting ready. See you at the station.’

His sister moved his legs, and Uenoyama let go of the cozy socks, which were now moving around the floor quickly, as his sister went around grabbing stuff and filling her handbag with god knew what.

‘Gotta run, Keiko will kill me if I make her wait for half an hour again. Call if you need anything. And please don’t hurt yourself again, I’m done with being your babysitter.’

Uenoyama waved his hand dismissively.

‘Yeah go go. I’ll be fine.’

Her sister paused before leaving the room, and looked at him for a couple of seconds.

‘You will, won’t you?’

‘Yeah. And if not, I happen to have a big sister who can bully anyone who tries otherwise.'

‘And don’t you forget it. See you later idiot.’

And with that, she was off.

Uenoyama's eyes stayed on the door for a few moments. 

‘Love you too, nee-chan,’ he whispered, and fortunately for both, neither of them heard it over the slam of the door.

*

_Haruki > Ue, how are you feeling today? Not coming to practice later, are you?_

_Uenoyama > nah I’m not allowed to carry the guitar for hours yet, bloody back doing well but not fast enough to appease the old lady_

_Haruki > there’s no need for you to rush, the more you rest it, the better you get _

_Akihiko > listen to your mother, Ue_

_Akihiko > and to your biological one at home too_

_Haruki > oh now you reply, huh? Where are you? You’ve been ignoring my messages all day! wanted to show you something before practice tonight _

_Akihiko > should you be saying these things in front of Ue here?…_

_Haruki > shut up and check your emails_

_Uenoyama > I’m still here _

_Akihiko > baby needs mummy’s attention Haru_

_Haruki > sorry Ue, I don’t know what’s gotten into him today _

_Akihiko > you’re really walking into that one all on your own Haru-chan_

_Uenoyama > right, underage here is leaving you two to whatever’s going on_

_Akihiko > right, like your underage brain isn’t constantly thinking about the day you finally lose _

_Uenoyama > SHUT UP _

_Haruki > AKIHIKO!!!_

_Akihiko > you two are too easy_

_Akihiko > got the email Haru, will have a look at the new arrangements_

_Akihiko > good to see you feeling better Uesama. Get your ass and your guitar over here soon_

_Akihiko > need to go, see you at the studio Haruki _

_Haruki > yeah see you _

_Uenoyama > see you both soon, if I I can get the women in my household to agree_

_Haruki > don’t complain, you only got two_

_Haruki > my dad and I were so outnumbered that we stopped trying quite early on_

_Uenoyama > I don’t know how you manage_

_Haruki > they are very good at taking care of us, that’s how _

_Haruki > need to go too, and please get better Uecchi_

Uenoyama started typing something about the next gig being fast approaching, but deleted it quickly.

Haruki-san had been nervous way _before_ he damaged his back, so he had no doubts that by now, the unofficial band manager must have been secretly preparing the statement for when they had to regretfully cancel their show. The fact that he hadn’t said a word about it showed how right Kaji-san was – Haruki-san cared for people so much, and looked after the three of them in particular like a mother hen. He was the pillar of the band and he didn’t even know it, often downplaying his own value.

Riding the wave of love for his friends, Uenoyama resolved to let him know how much he valued him, and how it wasn’t only Kaji-san he was lucky to have as his senpai. 

*

When Uenoyama woke up from the nap he hadn’t expected to take, his room was already dark.

He couldn’t hear anyone in the living room or the kitchen. Surely at least his dad had come back from work if it was so late?

He picked his phone to check the time. 8.43pm.

He had a text from his father. .

_Ritsuka, I’m taking your mother out for dinner tonight, as a surprise. Let me or your sister know if something happens and you need us to come back, ok?_

And there was a second one from Yayoi.

 _Going for drinks with the girls. Unless you ate everything at lunch you should be fine for dinner. Mum and Dad going out tonight or something. Call me if you need anything, but try not to_.

So it was going to be him tonight.

He got up carefully, testing a range of movements he was sure he’d need if he was going back to school tomorrow. Not a twinge.

Sitting back down on the bed, he doubled checked he didn’t have any more messages.

Nothing.

He clicked on Mafuyu’s thread, but there was nothing.

Nothing on the band’s group chat either.

Uenoyama tried not to feel dejected. He knew they might be still in the studio, but he had hoped he’d have a text from Mafuyu by then.

He started typing.

_Hey, still in the studio? No pain, back in school tomorrow. x_

The angry sound of a hungry stomach put an end to his lazing in bed for longer. He was about to get up when he heard the voices. There seemed to come from outside the main door.

And then, the doorbell rang.

_What the hell…_

Realising he still hadn’t moved at all, he got up carefully. By the time he got to his bedroom door and opened it, he could hear the sound of keys rattling. When the door finally opened, three figures were standing outside. Two of them were bickering and hadn’t spotted him yet at the end of the corridor.

But the third one, the one with the keys still in his hand, was looking at him with the most gentle of smiles.

‘Ue! There you are! Surprise! Is it ok for us to come in? We’ve brought takeaway, you haven’t eaten yet, have you?’

Kaji-san and Haruki-san gave him a quick hug before disappearing into the kitchen to set up the table. Mafuyu, who had returned the key to its hiding place, was closing the door.

‘We finished earlier, and they guessed I was missing you as much as you probably were missing us. They thought we could all come to see you and bring you dinner,’ Mafuyu explained as he came closer to him. ‘I hope it’s ok.’

Uenoyama opened his arms and Mafuyu was in them immediately, his arms finding their way around his middle. He squeezed his smaller frame against his chest, planting a kiss into his hair

‘It’s more than ok, Mafuyu.’ he said in earnest, smiling at the bickering that had carried on in the kitchen. ‘I’m happy to have you here.’

And he really, _really_ was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! 
> 
> Apologies for the very late and probably very unfulfilling update, but once again I'm very low on energy at the moment, all goes to recovery! 
> 
> This Interlude wasn't going to make it into the next chapter, in which we're back in school. But these Uenoyama moments kept popping in my head, getting in the way, so I decided to give them some space. 
> 
> Also, there are these Christmas scenes that keep interfering with the next chapter, as they belonged in this story I think. Shall I share them ? I will see if it makes any sense at all. It's the time to do it anyway! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for your patience!
> 
> UPDATE: I'm alive! I'm not sure how many of you will see this note, but as a reader, I know how much it annoys me when I seen an update on a beloved fic and it turns to be an N/A, so didn't want to do that!
> 
> Apparently I wasn't as recovered as Uenoyama in the end, so I have been unable to write anything at all for the past weeks, and what I have feels not enough for a chapter. Hopefully now that I'm feeling better I can get back to publish what happens both in the summer after Ue is back and the sneak peak at their first Christmas. 
> 
> Hope everyone's well wherever you are! x


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